One Love, One Life
by rhysmeyersfan
Summary: [Black Donnellys] The uprising of the infamous Donnelly brothers through the eyes of Maddy Fabrizzio. Growing up in Hell's Kitchen isn't easy, especially when you're Jimmy Donnelly's girl and everyone knows it.
1. Part of the Gang

**A/N:**

All of Joey's observations from the interrogation room throughout the chapters are in **bold. **

The story is told from my character Maddy's perspective. The chapters will continue weekly as the episodes progress. I'll write one chapter for every episode. Possibly more if the episode is eventful.

Have fun reading and please review!

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**The unamused cop leaned back in his chair and let out a deep sigh, eyeing the lanky Irish kid who he and his partner had been questioning for the past half hour. He puts a hand up, "Enough about that. Go back. We need you to tell us about.." He looks at a file, "Madolyn Bella Fabrizzio. Her name's right under Jimmy Donnelly's. Girlfriend?"**

**Joey laughs, placing his hands on the table in front of him. "When they weren't trying to tear eachothers heads off, yeah. She was his girl and everyone knew it. Even the people who didn't know Jimmy knew that Maddie belonged to someone. Girls like that always do. She was more like family, actually. To all of the Donnelly's. She was the last one to come into the _gang_. You see, Maddie moved to the neighborhood after her Ma died with her Pop. Mean son of a bitch. Always drunk. I don't think I ever saw that guy sober. Even the bad ass Irish neighborhood guys were sober once in awhile. But this guy? Not a chance. Mad's Grandmother lived on Riverton Court.. like.. I don't know, a block away from where everyone else lived. She was always over there and everyday she would sit on the front steps and wait for her Pop to pick her up. She'd been doing that at the same time every day since she was five years old. It took four years for anyone to notice her."**

**And on a certain Summer afternoon, fate stepped in... **

**--------------------------------------------------**

I had seen the tall and skinny girl with the unkept brunette mop of hair, usually covered by a red baseball cap, before. I'd gone to the same school as all of them since the first grade. Why was it _that_ day? Why not some other random afternoon? It always confuses the hell out of me. Who knew they'd end up being the only family I'd ever know? Life's funny that way. If it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger.

I was sitting on the second to last step of my Gram's apartment building trying to fasten one of those barrettes into my hair. It wasn't going well. The damn thing kept sticking to my hair. I'd spilled some juice or something on it earlier. I loved my hair. No, fuck that, I love my hair. Most people won't admit what they really love about themselves, but I will. My favorite part of every day when I was a kid was brushing my long, red hair and choosing what kind of barrettes I was going to put in. I must have owned about a hundred of those things. But these new ones were useless. Blue diamond butterflies I'd gotten for my birthday the week before. They came from my crazy Aunt Maureen from South Boston. Maureen was always giving me gifts that either didn't work right or got lost my first day of having it. Go figure.

I try again to make the barrette stay, and I mean I'm really trying hard, when I hear someone screaming from the side of me.

Jenny Reilly was barrelling down the sidewalk towards me chasing Joey. He was running away from her with the red hat in his hand. "Give it back, Joey! Come on!"

I look up and when I did the barrette dropped on the sidewalk. I lean down to pick it up and Jenny's foot passes by so fast I don't know what to think.. until I hear a small crack. She crushed my birthday present. My face dropped. I would have started crying if she hadn't have come back.

Jenny leaned over beside me, panting. "You okay?"

I shake my head, trying to hold back the tears. My eyes are still on the broken present on the sidewalk. "Yeah, I'm fine. Forget it."

Jenny's eyes shift to where mine are. A sad expression comes across her face. "Oh, I didn't see it there when I passed by. I'm sorry I broke it." She picks it up, and examines it. I still remember that moment. Jenny Reilly the tomboy being exposed to something girls actually wore. She didn't even know that it was normal to put things in her hair other than a stinky old baseball cap.

"This is probably a stupid question, but-- what is it? Or, what was it?" Jenny asks and hands it back to me.

I look up at her shocked. "You've never seen a barrette before? You put it in your hair. Or most girls do anyway. Don't you wear them?"

She shakes her head, "Nah, they wouldn't go with my lucky cap. Or at least it _was _lucky until Joey got ahold of it. I never go anywhere without it."

A dark haired kid runs up to us from the opposite direction with one hand behind his back. I'd seen him around the neighborhood before. He was always with three other kids. One older and the other two younger, I had always assumed. One of them always called him Tommy. "Guess what I found?"

"Tommy, you have to--" Jenny's eyes got wider when she saw the hat in Tommy's hand. "Did you have to fight him for it?"

He shakes his head, a little embarrassed at the question. "Nope, I just told him to give it to me and he did."

Jenny gives him a small peck on the cheek as she puts the hat on backwards. "Thanks, Tommy."

I look up to catch him start to blush and his eyes turn to the ground. It was so obvious that he was in love with her. Even then. At least it was to me.

Jenny looks down at me, "So, what are you doing?"

She had one of the most innocent sounding voices I'd ever heard. She sounded almost like a small bird. I look up at her, sheilding my eyes from the sun. "Waiting for my Pop. He'll be here, but sometimes he's late. I'm not supposed to move until he drives up."

Jenny glances around, "Says who?"

"My Gram. She lives right up there." I point to the building above my head.

She smiles down at me, "Want to play with us until he gets here? We play right over there by the fence."

"Umm-- what are you playing?" I ask hesitantly. I hate getting dirty. It's my least favorite thing to do next to leaving my Gram's apartment.

"Stickball! It's the best game in the world. Isn't it Tommy? Tell her."

Tommy only shrugs, making eye contact with me from his ground view. "It's okay. My big brother Jimmy usually wins. But it's fun I guess."

I look up at the apartment building thinking that if my Gram looks out the window and I'm not there, she'll got nuts. She'll probably call the cops. At that point in my life, I had nothing against cops. Key word being _that_ point. So, it didn't scare me. Police officers were there to protect people in the neighborhood. Nothing wrong with that.

"So, whaddya' say?" Jenny asks me with the same smile still plastered on her face. I'd never met someone who smiled so much in my life.

I turn back to them and stand up. "Sure. Until my Pop comes."

Jenny and Tommy start leading me across the street. "Great! We have enough players for two teams now! We never have enough players. Jimmy's team always has more. I'm starting to think that's why he always wins. He really likes winning."

Jenny extends her hand to me. "I'm Jenny Reilly, by the way. This is Tommy Donnelly."

I shake her hand. "Maddie Fabrizzio."

Here was the confused look again. One of many Jenny would give me over the years. "Like Matt? That's a boys name."

"No. Like Madolyn. But I hate my name. So I tell everyone to call me Maddie. Or Mad. I don't care which." I explained.

Tommy looks over at me, finally speaking up. "I like that name. It's cool."

I smile at him, "Thanks."

From that moment on, I was always with them. I didn't sit on the steps anymore. I played stickball in the street. Or I sat with Kevin when he was benched by Jimmy or Tommy, which was alot of the time, and keep him company. He was only a year and a half younger than me, so we got along well. The game wasn't really interesting to me. It was Jenny, Joey, and the Donnelly brothers. Well, except for one.

Jimmy. Jimmy Donnelly. What a jackass, son of a bitch. And yes, I knew what that meant at nine, and I knew that's what he was.

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**The officer stops Joey in mid-sentence. "Wait a minute-- wait a minute. It says here in a statement by Jimmy that she changed his life." **

"No, no. That came later. _Much_ later. Something else changed his life first and it didn't have anything to do with her. No, at that point, well-- Jimmy and Maddie pretty much couldn't stand eachother. I mean from minute one she downright didn't like him. He thought she was a spoiled bitch and she thought he was an arrogant, roughneck jackass. And they weren't shy about telling eachother either. Now, you've gotta remember, we were only kids. Here they are, these nine and ten year old kids screaming at eachother at the top of their lungs over a foul ball in the middle of the street. I'm talking pushing.. shoving.. cursing like sailors. Tommy had to hold Jimmy back just so he wouldn't kill her. And the same went for Kevin with Maddie. Most girls, well no, most people were scared of Jimmy even then. Hell, I was scared of him. But not Maddie. She always stood up to him. Calling him on his bullshit when everyone else wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. This was an everyday thing. Until that day the next year. _That's _when his life changed forever..."


	2. Two Bad Years

**A/N:**

Hope everyone liked the last chapter. Sorry if it was short. I will try and make the others longer.

I am still confused, like everyone, about the ages of the main characters. So bare with me on the dates. In my mind, Jimmy is around 11 when the accident happens and is around 25 in current time. I am going by that timeline.

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**Summer, 1993**

The next summer, the seven of us were pretty much attached at the hip. Especially me and Jenny. There wasn't one weekend that summer or any other one throughout high school when we weren't at her house having a sleepover. Of course, we could never go to my place because of my Pop's drinking. He was bad into it then. Sure, it had been worse before and it got even worse later on, but it was still alot to handle at ten years old.

That day was like every other day. I was sitting on the steps of a building next to Jenny and Kevin and throwing a ball back and forth to little Sean on my right. I always loved Seany. He was like the little brother I never had.

Suddenly, Sean missed me and the ball rolled across the street. I look up and spot Jimmy and Joey running from around the corner away from something or someone. Jimmy has a five gallon tub of ice cream under his arm. I roll my eyes. He was always stealing something. Nine times out of ten Joey was equally involved. Like last month when they stole.. get this.. thirty five basketballs from the school gym. God knows how they got all of those balls from the school to the junkyard where the cops found them the next day.

_Smack!_

They run right into some guy walking towards them. The open tub flies into the middle of the street. Joey follows it and is attacked by two neighborhood kids.

I glance over at Jimmy on the sidewalk. Sitting there watching Joey and laughing his ass off. Typical. "Go help him, Jimmy! They never let up on him!"

Jimmy picks up Sean's ball beside his foot and tosses it into the air, catching it again. Maddie was such a pain in his ass. Always in his business some way or another. "Why don't you mind your business Mad, huh?" He looks to Sean, "Seany, you want this back?"

Sean nods at him with a hopeful look on his face, and holds out his hands. Jimmy tosses it to him and Sean catches it. I was impressed. The lessons were doing some good.

I smiled at him, ruffling his hair. "That was a good catch, Seany."

He looks at me with an embarrassed smile and shrugs, "Thanks."

For some reason, Sean seemed to be the only person Jimmy was never mad at. No matter what Sean did, he always understood. And if someone messed with Sean, watch out, because Jimmy would be on you like white on rice, every time. All of the Donnelly brothers would. Sean would always be the baby.

Lately, for some reason that Jimmy couldn't for the life of him figure out, he'd catch himself staring at Maddie for unusually long periods of time. Like right now. All she was doing was yelling at him and talking to Sean about his catching. _What the hell is wrong with you? This is Fabrizzio we're talking about here. Maddie. Mad. The pain that's been in your ass since last summer when Tommy and Jenny decided to adopt her._ Jimmy quickly deviates his eyes to Joey fighting in the street after she caught him.

Why was he always staring at me? Over the past few months, I caught Jimmy staring and then he'd look away really quick. I hate him. He hates me. It works out well enough for the both of us. At least I think it does. A frown spreads across my face when I remember that I was still mad at him for putting insects in my backpack last week at recess. Fucking Jimmy. How could I _not_ hate him? Scumbag.

The kids finally get the tub out from Joey's grip and start running off. "Hey, that's mine! I stole that! Come back!"

**"No one even heard it coming.." **

I stand up immidiately when I see the black car heading straight for Joey. The idiot's still sitting in the middle of the street. "Joey, watch out!"

My knees almost give out when the car swerves and runs right over Jimmy's leg. I close my eyes, hoping and praying to God that this is only a bad dream. Something like this can't happen to normal kids like us. When I hear Kevin yell Jimmy's name and feel Sean grab my hand, I know it's real.

**"One of Jimmy's legs just shattered. It never grew much after that. And they never found the driver."**

Some people who were there, or say they were anyway, say that they heard Jimmy scream from four blocks away. I don't remember hearing anything except for the bones in his leg being crushed by that wheel. Everything else was silent in that small moment.

The next thing I know, Sean and Kevin are running across the street and Jenny is crying out and pulling at my sleeve. But I don't move or follow her across the street. I stay there and stare at Jimmy crying out in pain. That was the last time I ever saw him cry. When we were in bed once in high school, he told me that he promised himself after that day he would never cry again. And he kept that promise. Even after his Father got beaten to death and killed by the Italians. He was the one who didn't cry at the funeral.

There's was one more thing about that day that I never told anybody. Not even Jimmy. Well, especially not Jimmy.

**"All I could do was stare back at Maddie when we'd both seen the same thing. Tommy driving away in the car that had hit Jimmy. His own brother."  
**  
I knew Tommy well enough to know for a fact that it was an accident. He would have died before he hurt one of his brothers on purpose. Besides, he spent the whole rest of his life making it up to Jimmy. By cleaning up every mess he ever made. And if you know Jimmy, you know that that's _alot_ of mess.

**"I never asked her about it. Didn't see a reason to bring it up. I always did wonder whether or not she knew it was Tommy though."**

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I let my arm drop slightly as Jenny rests her head on my shoulder. She'd been crying non-stop since Jimmy was put into the ambulance. I look over at Mr. and Mrs. Donnelly talking to a doctor in the hallway. Tommy's back is to the wall and his eyes are on the floor. He looks like he's about to explode.

Suddenly, he starts walking quickly down the hallway, passes by me and Jenny, and bolts out the side door. Jenny shoots up like a lightning bolt had just hit her. I was happy to answer the question her eyes were asking for her. "Go. He needs you."

Jenny wipes a stray tear away, letting go of my hand for the first time since we'd walked into the hospital. "You don't-"

I stop her, "You know me. Strong like an oxe. I'm good. Go to him."

Jenny nods. Mrs. Donnelly calls her name, whispers in her ear, and she headed back towards me. "Ma says Jimmy's gonna be okay."

I give her a weak smile, "That's great, Jen. Go tell Tommy." I watch as she goes out the same side door. I don't know why I'm not happier for him. It's like I don't believe them. Jimmy would never be _okay_ again. He's gonna have to live with his busted leg for the rest of his life. Why didn't anyone realize that?

My heart's beating a mile a minute. I stand up to pace around and after a few minutes I end up in the doorway of Jimmy's room. A lump forms in my throat when I overhear the word _cripple_ and _my Jimmy_ come out of Mrs Donnelly's mouth. _Cripple_. That word makes my skin crawl.

I step inside the cold room and slide a chair so it's by his bedside. Then without thinking about it or knowing why, I take hold of one of Jimmy's hands. My eyes flicker from his pale face to the horrible condition that his leg is in. It's propped up and caked with blood and bandaged. My eyes close, and I just sit there waiting.

After a few seconds, I feel a light squeeze. My eyes, now stained and red with tears, open and he's is looking right at me with those stone cold green eyes.

There is a confused look on his face. "Why are _you_ crying?"

"What? A girl can't cry anymore, Donnelly?" I ask, wiping my eyes. If I would have known he was going to wake up, I would left. I hate crying in front of anyone.

He shrugs and still hasn't even tried to let go of my hand. "What are they saying out there?" He looks past me into the hallway at his parents and the doctor.

I shake my head and my eyes drop to the floor. I'm _such_ a horrible liar. "I didn't hear anything."

"Liar." He snaps, almost matter-of-factly. I look back up at him. It was something about the tone of his voice. That anger-- that rage. There's always been something animal-like about it. Strangely, it didn't scare me. His eyes move away from mine for the first time and he peers out the window into the busy street. "I'm not gonna be able to walk, right? I'm gonna be one of those freaks--" He swallows hard, trying to get the next set of words out. "..one of those cripples who the other kids stare at and make fun of behind their backs. Son of bit-"

I could feel the heat rising to my face. "Stop it! You won't be a freak, Jim. You won't. What do doctors know anyway? They don't know anything. Did they keep my Ma alive when she died right after she had me? Hell no. They don't know anything." My eyes are locked with his now, "They don't know anything."

Neither of us say a word for a long time. This was a big first for us. Neither of us are ever at a loss for words. I laugh a little, and grab a tissue from the bedside table. "Besides, you know, even if you are gonna be a cripple it's not exactly gonna change your personality, Jimmy. No one besides your brothers liked you before anyway."

He leans his head back and laughs heartily through the stray tears that fall down his cheek. "You are one tough chick, you know that Fabrizzio?"

"Girl, you mean?" I roll my eyes. He never called girls, _girls_. It was always _chicks_.

"You said no one liked me before. Does um-- does that include you or--" He smiles at me.

I smile back at him and roll my eyes again. He was challenging me and I knew it right off the bat. "Yeah, that includes me."

He shakes his head, "I think you like me just a little bit. Otherwise you wouldn't have been crying for me." I look at him hard for a few seconds and then down at my hand, that was still holding his.

I shrug, and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. Something I do when I'm either uncomfortable or nervous. Or both.

Mrs. Donnelly peeks in the doorway from behind me and smiles. She was glad someone was making her Jimmy laugh, because things were about to get alot harder.

**"That was the first time Maddie really saw Jimmy. Not the Jimmy everyone else thought was real, but the _real_ Jimmy. Things between the two of them changed after that. For the next few years, I don't think I ever saw them apart for more than a day. Until things got rocky. But that comes later." **

**"Did I tell you the second thing you had to know to understand Jimmy?"**

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**Fall, 1994**

I am standing between Jimmy and Tommy in front of the shallow grave trying my damnest not to cry. I am holding both Tommy and Jimmy's hands and hanging on for dear life. I still can't believe Mr. Donnelly's gone. Unbelieveable. Why didn't God take my Pop instead? It's a horrible thought-- but my Pop compared to Jimmy and Tommy's? Forget about it. No comparison. He's never taken care of anyone but himself a day in his life. Mr. Donnelly was a real father. He was a good man.

I look down and watch as Jimmy's other fist clenches at his side. I can't believe it isn't bleeding. "You okay, Jim?" I whisper, grazing the arm of his jacket with my cheek.

He nods coldly, placing a kiss on the side of my head. I lean on his shoulder and listen while the priest speaks and Tommy cries.

**"It wasn't his fault. He didn't know, but while he was listening to music, they were beating his father to death. He never saw their faces before or after but he knew one thing-- he knew they were Italian."**

After the funeral is over, I stand next to Jenny and Mrs. Donnelly and realize that Jimmy has vanished. That was never a good thing. I'd learned after a year of being Jimmy's girlfriend, whatever the hell that means at eleven and a half, that he was either doing something stupid or about to.

I enlace my arm with Helen's and ask, "Where's Jimmy?"

She shrugs, stroking my hair. "There's no telling. Probably just wanted to be by himself. Go find him for me, will you? I don't think any of us should be alone today."

I nod at her and start off on the search. I always knew where to find him. Hell, I was always the go-to person for people wanting to know where Jimmy was.

It seemed to be harder this time. Ten minutes I've been looking and not a trace. Then I spot feet with only socks on swinging from a ledge. I sheild my eyes from the sun and look up. There he was. The crazy idiot had managed to climb a stone wall that was at least twelve feet high over the parking lot.

I cross my arms over my chest and give him my famous worried look. "One of these days that leg of yours is gonna fall off. What are you doing up there?"

He shrugs, still looking down at the pavement, but not at me. "Nothing-- just sitting I guess. Ma send you to look for me?"

"I didn't see you around. Figured you ran off somewhere by yourself like always. Can I come up?" I ask, putting a hand on the wall.

"If you can get up here without breaking your neck." He replies, without any emotion.

I start climbing the side of the wall without any trouble and reach the top in only a few seconds. I reach down for his hand, trying to balance myself to sit down. He grasps it tightly and I plop down beside him. "See. I can do it just as good as you can. No sweat."

He smoothes my fingers over with his thumb. "Tough talk for a girl." I only chuckle, but don't respond.

We were quiet for a long time. Like that day in the hospital, but alot longer. I decide to be the one to break it again. "I wish you wouldn't blame yourself."

He lets my hand drop and looks away from me. "I don't."

"Yeah you do. I know you, Jim. You always need someone to blame. Someone to hate." I wasn't scared of him. He was going to have to hear this sooner or later and it may as well be from me. I don't care if he shoves me off of the wall. He needs to hear it from someone. No one else was going to tell him.

His head snaps back towards me and his face is red. He was so angry. "Yeah, so what?! Those Italian pieces of shit kill my fucking father while I'm in the car waiting for him and I'm not supposed to blame anybody? Is that what you're trying to say, Mad? Is that it?"

I look him square in the eyes. "No-- God, no. Jimmy, I'm saying you shouldn't blame yourself! You didn't know why they were looking for him or what they were gonna do when they found him. For all you knew they just wanted to talk to him. It's their fault. _Theirs_. It's had nothing to do with you."

"It had everything to do with me. I was there. I could have lied."

I take hold of his face. "No! You didn't know. There was no way you could have known."

He just stares at me-- broken. I could see the tears starting at the corners of his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. He was fighting them off so hard that he was actually shaking. When he wrapped his arms around me all I could do was hug him back. I felt so useless. But, he would have done the same for me.

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	3. Another Day, Another Wake

**A/N:**

Hope everyone liked the last chapter. As you can see, I'm now moving onto the present time and finishing up the Pilot.

_italics_ flashbacks, **bold** Joey observations

Remember to leave reviews!

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Another day, another wake.

If I had a penny for everytime some Irishmen died and I had to help cater the food from the Diner, I'd be a rich woman and out of my shit hole of an apartment. I move past a group of guys crowded around the bar with almost five pounds of meat on a tray. I groan loudly. My way was blocked by some heavy set guy's back. "Walking with food, gentlemen. Some consideration would be wonderful." He turns and quickly shifts his body out of my way, "Sorry." Under his breath, "Jesus H Christ.. look at that.."

I glance behind me and watch as all four men are oogling my backside. This was a normal thing, of course, but that didn't mean I liked it, and at poor Patty's wake no less. "Oh that's real classy. A dead guy in a box less than ten feet away and you're checking out my merchandise?"

I turn around and keep walking towards the back of the room, not waiting for a response. No one had any respect for the dead anymore. The wakes were just a way to score free food from the Diner and get boozed up. Like this city needed more drunk Irishmen roaming the streets on a Saturday afternoon?

Jenny was already at the back table cutting the ham. She looked tired. Matter of fact, she always looked tired these days. "Hey Jen. How's it coming? You need a break?" I drop the tray on the table and start separating the cheeses.

Jenny shakes her head, "No, I'm good. That tray is huge! Where did Jimmy get that? Or do I want to know?"

"Oh, Jim didn't. Joey Ice Cream brought it by the Diner this morning after you left. His Grandmother bought it from some antique store in Deerfield or somewhere."

Jenny eyes the tray, "Three to one he stole it and his Grandmother doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Two to one." I spoke to soon. As soon as I look up, Joey Ice Cream's walking towards us through the crowd carrying two beers. "Great."

"Hello ladies. Liking the tray so far? It's nice, huh? Perfect for the occasion." He hands me an unopened beer.

I shake my head at him, finishing with the cheese. "Nah I'm good, Joey. Thanks though."

He motions towards Jenny and she shakes her head too. "None for me. I'm working."

"Speaking of work, I've got some more stuff to bring out from the front. I'll be back." I was lying. I just wasn't in the mood for Joey at that particular moment.

Jenny looks up at me quickly, tugging at my sleeve. "What? This is it. It's all right here. Stay."

I smile at her, patting her arm. "Have fun. I'll be back."

Jenny glares at me and starts cutting harder into the ham with the knife in her hand. "Uh huh, we'll have fun. Lots and lots of fun."

Joey moves to my spot next to Jenny and leans against the table. "So, how've you been Jen?"

"Since you asked me yesterday and the day before that? I've been fine, Joe. How 'bout yourself?"

I head to another side table at the other end of the bar and find a few unopened bottles of alcohol, and it wasn't the cheap stuff. Jimmy must have forgotten to put them on the shelf. I scoop them up and head over to him behind the bar. "Hey, forget something?" I hold up the bottles.

He glances over at me while he's pouring a drink. "Thanks, babe. Put them under, will you?"

I nod and lean down underneathe the counter. The same group of guys from before lean over the bar to try and see what kind of underwear I have on. Jimmy quickly moves his body to block their view. "What the hell are you mooks looking at? Floor treatments?" He stares them down for a couple of seconds and they retreat.

I stand back up and pull my hair back in a ponytail. "I hate wakes. Why did you have to have Patty's here? Why not the bar down the block?"

He smiles at me. "Because the bar down the block's a dump."

I laugh, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "Jimmy, can I tell you a secret?"

His smile gets wider as he hooks his arms around my waist. "If you tell me in the store room again, sure."

I lean in close to his ear and whisper, "You won this place in a crap game with Donnie. He lost on purpose just so you'd take it off his hands. _This_, my dear, is the dump." I give him a kiss on the lips, take a fresh beer from the counter, and walk back into the crowd before he could think of any form of a comeback.

As I make my way to the other side of the bar, I hear Tommy say something to Kevin about two thousand dollars. I laugh. Poor Kevin. Tommy was always on his ass about his gambling debts, and Kevin had alot of them. I mean alot. I lean on the table next to Sean. "Hey Seany. Mel. You guy's having a good time?"

I had introduced Sean to this girl Melissa last week. She seemed nice enough. Not nice enough for Sean, but nice enough. I look over and see Tommy coming up from behind. I give him a smile. Tommy and Kevin had always been like my older brothers. Even though Tommy was the same age as me and Kevin was a year and a half younger. Somehow the big brother thing came into play later in life. "Hey Tom. How's it goin'?"

Tommy returns a tired smile, "Good, Mad. It's goin' good." He gives me a kiss on the cheek and turns to Sean. "You know how much Kevin owes?"

"I don't know. Three thousand?" Sean responds, turning back to Melissa. I watch Tommy walk over to Jenny. Joey left right on cue. If anyone knew how to get rid of Joey Ice Cream it was Tommy. Sure, they were friends. But only because of Kevin and Jimmy. I doubt they'd have much to do with eachother otherwise.

Frankie walks past me with another cop (_who for some reason had his badge out in plain sight-- was he askin' to get his ass kicked or what?_) towards Tommy and Jenny. My mouth drops open. I knew why they were there and it wasn't for the wake. The shit was about to hit the fan. Jenny left Frankie and Tommy alone and noticed me staring at them.

She takes the beer out of my hand. "What's with you?"

I shake my head, "Nothing. No, I um- I think I just ate some bad meat earlier. My stomach's acting up."

I pretend to listen to what Jenny's saying but what I'm really trying to do is read Frankie and Tommy's lips. One of my many hidden talents that actually came in handy now and again. Oh shit. '_How can Jimmy steal a truck, Frankie? He can't even drive.' 'Do with it what you want.'_

My eyes drop when Tommy catches me staring and gives me daggers with those eyes of his. He always knew when I knew something he didn't. What did I know that he didn't? Not much really. Yeah, I knew Jimmy stole the truck and I knew Sean and Kevin helped because of his bum leg.

_I walk to the apartment door, half alseep, hoping whoever was banging on the other end had a gun to their head. I let out a sigh after looking through the peephole. _

_I unlock the chains and move aside, "It's three o'clock in the morning, Jimmy. If you wanted to crash all you had to do was use your key."_

_He starts to walk past me and then kisses me. Not just a little kiss, a hard kiss. His hands were shaking and I could feel his heart going a mile a minute against my chest. That only meant one thing. He was banged out of his head-- again. "Sorry, I lost it again. I'm sorry, baby. I just need my crobar and the .45 I asked you to hide last week. Then I'll be out of here and you can sleep, I promise."_

_I shut the door behind him, "You didn't ask me to hide anything. You came in at five in the morning last week and hid them yourself. I found them both by accident and moved them. Don't thank me. Crobar's between the stove and the wall and the .45's in the loose floorboard under the couch."_

_"Yeah, yeah good thinking. That's real smart, Mad. I must have been in a hurry." He quickly shuffles into the living room and starts moving the couch. I follow him and sit on the couch arm. "What do you need them for?"_

_"Just a small score. A truck with a couple a thousand shirts I can sell. No big deal."_

_My eyes widen, "You can't steal and truck by yourself, Jim. You can't drive with your bum leg! You know that."_

_"Kevin and Seany are helping me out." He removes the floorboard and makes sure the gun is loaded._

_I look away while he checks the gun for bullets. I'd seen alot of guns in my life growing up in Hell's Kitchen but that doesn't mean I didn't hate them. Especially when Jimmy has one and he's as high as a kite. Not a good combination. All I could do was hope he gave it to Kevin._

_"Did Joanie set this whole truck thing up?" I ask him. Where did that come from? He didn't answer, which meant yes. "Answer me, Jimmy!"_

_"What the hell are you yelling at me for? Yeah, she helped set it up. So what?" He walks past me into the kitchen._

_I follow him again but stand right behind him this time while he reaches behind the stove. "I told you last time I didn't want you going to her anymore. You know how I feel about that girl-- if you even want to call her that. She's a fucking junkie." I wanted to say, "And so are you.." but I didn't. That was a conversation we'd yet to have, and I'll be the first to admit I'd been avoiding it. No, I did not want to face the fact that my boyfriend was a junkie. So, shoot me._

_He'd never shot up in front of me but I knew what he did, and where he did it, and he knew it. Only, he didn't care, and that was why I was so pissed off, and why I threw him out of the apartment while chucking glass plates at his head. Missing on accident, not on purpose. I need to work on my aim. _

"What did you say, Jen?" I look up and notice Jenny was already halfway across the room talking to Kate Farrell. I take a long sip of my beer, finishing it off, when Tommy starts walking up to me with that look still on his face. Here we go. "Hey, how's Frankie doing? I haven't seen him around in awhile."

He drapes an arm over my shoulder and takes the empty glass out of my hand. "He's fine, Maddie. Can I talk to you for a sec? It's about Jimmy."

I duck out of his hold and start walking through the crowd away from him. "I think Jenny needs my help with some more of the food. I'll be back, okay?"

Ducking out seemed to be my speciality today. I slid into the empty seat across from Kevin and swipe his half full beer, finishing it in one take. He looks over at Tommy talking to Jimmy at the bar. "He knows about the truck thing?" I nod and he takes the drink back from me. He slams the glass down after realizing I had finished it all.

He rubs his forehead, "You tell him anything?"

"Frankie got a tip. Not exactly hard to put together. Look at it this way Kev-- you, Jimmy, and Sean aren't gonna be winning the _criminals of the month_ award anytime soon. Joey's Grandmother could steal a truck better than the three of you."

Kevin glares at me, "Go easy, huh? I don't need this today. He's already on my ass about the two thousand I owe to the guy in Jersey."

I look at him confused, "I thought you owed like five?"

"How the hell do you know anything about it?"

I don't answer because he already knew. "Fucking Joey. Can't keep his mouth shut for anything and always using the sarcasm on me. Damn."

"You know Kevin with all these bookies after you for money, I'm surprised you still have your kneecaps."

He smiles at me, "Thanks, Maddie. Love you too."

I look over when someone starts banging on the cigarette machine. Jimmy _hated_ that more than anything. Then someone yells and before I know it, Jimmy is standing on top of the bar and taking a guy down to the floor. Kevin bounces out of his seat and starts shoving past people to get to him.

I watch as Sean, Tommy, and practically everybody else in the place starts joining in. "Another day, another wake. Fan-fucking tastic."

A few minutes later the fight was still going on and I already felt tipsy after three and a half beers. It never took much to get me drunk. Which is ironic seeing as though I'm half Irish. I stand up, trying to keep from falling on my face. I push through the crowds towards the backdoor. I figure I can get out faster that way.

But as soon as I make back someone yells, _cops, cops!_ I look back and see a mob of people running right towards the doorway. I bolt outside before they can run me over and lean against the brick wall. People start running past me down the alley and into the street. Then Kevin runs out with Sean, Jimmy, and Tommy right behind him. Tommy is the only one who notices me and stops. Who could miss a drunk, red head barely standing against a wall?

I smile at him and try to replace my shoe that fell off. "Where's everybody goin' in such a hurry? It's a wake, not a funeral."

Tommy puts his hand on my shoulder, pushing the hair out of my face with the other. He examines my eyes. "Yeah, I'm guessin' you're a little drunk there, Mad?"

I started feeling the material of his jacket. "Wow, Tommy, this is a really nice jacket. I like this. Can I wear it?"

Tommy tries not to let the smile show on his face and turns towards the truck. "Jimmy!" He notices that Kevin and Sean are getting into the truck parked in the middle of the alley. He starts pulling me by the sleeve with him towards the front. "What's this the truck you didn't steal, Jimmy?"

"Hi Jimmy." I say as we pass by him and Tommy starts pulling me down the alley.

Jimmy looks on as confused as ever. "Tommy, lighten up! She okay?"

Tommy stops and turns around towards Jimmy, "Get out of the truck, the cop's are here. And yeah, she's fine. Just really drunk."

I nod at Jimmy, agreeing. "I can't even feel my toes. Oh wow, I really can't. Is that okay?"

Kevin yells from inside the truck, "Come on, we can just drop her off up the street! You know Jimmy can't drive!"

Tommy yells right back, "Neither can you, get out of the truck! Come on, we've got to get her back to the Diner and get the hell out--"

Tommy stops when a police car pulls up at the end of the alley. I look from him to the car. "Remind me-- what does NYPD stand for?"

He turns around, dragging me by the sleeve again back to the truck. "Son of a bitch." And then to Jimmy, "Get back in the truck, and take your girl."

Jimmy smiles, steading me with his arm around my shoulder. "Now I should get in the truck."

I try to get inside before Jimmy but I fall backwards right into Tommy's body frame. I laugh as both he and Jimmy hoist me into the truck to climb in. "This is so much fun. Jimmy why don't we do this more often? I never do anything with all of you guys anymore."

I smile at Sean and Kevin who are awkwardly looking on, exchanging horrified looks. "Hi." I slide in next to Kevin, and Jimmy and Tommy get inside.

Jimmy holds up a shirt. "Hey, Tommy. You like this shirt?"

Tommy starts the truck, "You're asking me if I like that shirt? Ask your girlfriend. She seems like she'd like anything right about now."

I quickly take the shirt from him and put it on. "Jimmy, I love it! Did you buy this for me?"

Jimmy nods, and gives Tommy a look over his shoulder and Kevin and Sean the same one over mine. "Yeah, I bought it just for you. Nice, huh?"

Tommy stops the truck in the middle of the alley before reaching the end. "Okay, we need to hide her or we're not gonna get through."

Kevin looks below him, "We could shove her in the floorboard. There's room."

I nod, "Kevin, you're a genius! I could fit in the floor."

--------------------------------------------------


	4. Louie Downtown

**A/N**

_italics_ flashback, **bold** Joey observations

--------------------------------------------------

I park my car across the street from the Firecracker Lounge and tiredly get out, heading to the trunk. I had been at the Diner for the past three hours sobering up. Let's just say that I won't be drinking anything stronger than beer anytime soon. Jenny had to take me to the backroom after Sean and Kevin practically carried me inside.

I could have sworn I saw both of them take a picture with their cell phones after I fell on my ass in front of the lunch crowd.

So, here I was, still-not-so-sober, trying to haul a six pound box full of alcohol out of my trunk and across the street. I'd been trying to get Jimmy on the phone all day to ask him to come and pick it up himself, but everytime I called the bar, Sean would answer and tell me a different story everytime. He was almost as bad of a liar as I was-- almost. Not quite. But he lied bad enough that I knew something was going on in there, but at this point I didn't care what. They were just going to do it anyway.

If there's one thing I've learned about the Donnelly brothers over the years-- it's this. No one can talk them out of doing anything they set their minds too. I can't count how many times I tried to talk Jimmy out of doing something stupid, and even when I went to Tommy (_which is still a normal occurence_) about it and he tries to talk him down, he still goes ahead and does it, usually roping Sean and Kevin along too.

Kevin wasn't exactly a criminal mastermind, but it was all he knew. But Sean-- Seany was different. He's a good kid. Sometimes I think he'd follow Jimmy and Tommy into hell if they asked him to. Don't get me wrong, Kevin's a good guy too, but Sean has a certain sweetness. He could do so much with his life. Hopefully Tommy can get through to him one of these days. It sure as hell isn't going to be Jimmy who does it. That's for sure.

I start walking across the street and see Tommy drive up with some girl I'd never seen before. Probably his latest ploy to get over Jenny. Fat chance. Sean was standing on the corner. Why wasn't he inside and why did he have a pipe in his hand? Oh, yeah. Now I knew something was going on. Sean was _always_ the lookout. Never on the front lines.

Tommy gets out of the car and walks up to Sean. "Where's Louie?"

Sean looks at him blankly. "Louie, who?"

I let out a deep breath, trying not to fall over from the heavy box. "Can someone open the door for me before I have a heart attack?"

Tommy and Sean both look at me and then at eachother. Sean runs a hand through his hair, nervously. "Not a good time, Mad."

"Oh, yeah? Why's that, Sean? Huh?" Tommy asks him.

I step over to the door past the boys, waiting for Tommy to open it. "Jimmy knew I was coming. He told me last week to bring the drinks by."

Sean shakes his head, "I um-- I think he forgot."

"Christ." Tommy sighs, swinging the door open angirly. "Keep an eye on Kim in the car, will you? I'll be back."

I walk inside before him and put the box on the counter. "Do you wanna tell me what the hell's going on or what? Where's Jimmy?"

Tommy is about to answer when Joey comes out from under the counter. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"I've been here. I didn't take anything-- in case you were wondering." Joey says.

"Where's Kevin?" asks Tommy.

"Really, I didn't take anything." Joey answers, avoiding the original question.

"Where the hell is Kevin, Joey?" I ask, more sternly.

Joey just looked back and forth from me to Tommy. "Get out of here." Tommy says just as Kevin comes up the stairs.

"Kevin, what the hell is going on?" I shout as he starts going back down almost immidiately.

Tommy starts for the stairs calling his name, but turns back to me first. "You shouldn't be here. Go back to the Diner."

I cross my arms over my chest and stare him down. He gives me a look, "You need to go. I'll take care of it, Mads. Promise."

You can never talk a Donnelly brother out of anything, and when they tell you that you shouldn't be there (especially Tommy), you really shouldn't.

The last time I didn't listen to that little voice inside of me and stuck around for what came next, I ended up in lockup for fours listening to Kevin talk about some girl from the neighborhood who asked him to do something really disgusting to her with his tongue. Yeah, that was a _great_ night.

"Yeah, alright. I'm going." I said as he continued down the stairs.

When I left the bar, Sean was in the car with that girl Tommy showed up with. There's a big surprise. He must have been too worried about what Jimmy and Kevin were doing to remember the golden rule about Sean and girlfriends.

--------------------------------------------------

It was around nine and I'd been on shift at the Diner since four. I look up from stocking some stuff under the counter and see Tommy leave. I hadn't even noticed him.

I walk over to Jenny and grab a damp towel. "So, what'd Tommy have to say?"

Jenny shrugs, "Ah, nothing. We were just talking. He'd been here for awhile drawing." She glances over at me briefly before taking out the sugar packets. "Frankie was here talking to him before."

I stop for a second but keep wiping, not wanting to seem worried or interested. "Yeah? Everything's okay I hope?"

Jenny nods, "I guess. They just-- I don't know, seemed kind of serious is all. I didn't hear anything they were saying."

"No need to listen in on conversations with Frankie, Jen. I'm sure it's not anything."

Jenny stops stocking and shifts her weight, leaning on the counter. "Did something happen?"

"No, I mean-- I don't know. I went over to bring the booze to the bar today and Sean and Kevin were acting weird. Jimmy wasn't there and Tommy showed up. He was upset at something. I guess I'm preparing for the worst." I run my hands through my hair and lean on the counter.

"You don't even know that he did anything. He could have just been out somewhere doing something. You know Jimmy. He's always doing something."

I shake my head, "I don't know-- lately he's been different, you know? He's banged out of his head all the time. It makes him do really dumb shit. I'm just-- God, Jenny."

Jenny puts a hand on my shoulder, "Mad."

"It pisses me off more than anything. I can't help him. I've tried but he's so deep into it. I love him more than anything." I try to say without crying.

"I know you do. I know. He loves you. Even if he doesn't know how to show it some of the time."

I laugh, "That's got to be the understatement of the year. He used to know how to show it. It used to be real easy for him. Lately, he's just-- crazy. It's gonna get him killed. I know it. I can feel it."

Jenny is about to say something when the phone rings at the end of the bar. "I'll get that." she says, walking to the other end. I took a deep breath, finishing up the stocking.

I hear the phone drop and look over at Jenny who is as pale as a sheet. "What? Jenny-- what?"

She looks up at me from the floor, trying to hold it together. "It's Sean."

There was no explanation needed. But Sean wasn't the only thing on my mind. Jimmy. Oh God, please don't let them have been Italians.

But deep down, I knew they were.

--------------------------------------------------

Some people have a thing about hospitals. I know people from the neighborhood who'd lost so many people in this place that they'd hold their breath whenever they would pass the building. I was not one of those people.

I'd spent most of my life making trips to this same local hospital two or three times a month, since I was fourteen. I can't even count how many times I've gotten calls in the middle of the night thinking _'Pop's finally dead. The son of a bitch finally got himself drunk enough-- said something dumb enough to the wrong person-- and he's dead.'_ But he never was. He just needed a ride home. So I'd sit and wait for him to be stitched up, have his stomach pumped, or even be bandaged up.

I stare at my usual spot as I leave Jenny with Tommy by the elevators. I figure they need to be alone. She barely said anything in the car ride over. But it wasn't because of Sean. Someone had told her on the phone at first that it was Tommy, but then said it was Sean. For a split second, she thought it was him laying in the hospital.

I make my way into the waiting room with my arms full of food from the Diner. Everyone was sitting around the table. I put the food down in the center, and slide past Joey. Kevin moves his legs for me to get by and I leaned over into his ear, "You doing okay?" He shrugs. I give him a kiss on the cheek and continue on to the back of the room towards Helen. She was standing near the large window, looking into Sean's room.

I enlace my arm with her's and lean my head on her shoulder. Mrs. Donnelly, or Ma as Jenny and I both called her since we were kids, was so strong. No matter what tragedy or problem the Donnelly family was facing, she always put up a strong front. She never broke, never faltered. She was like a rock. I remember wanting to be just like her growing up and still hope to be one day. "What did the doctor's say?" I finally ask.

She shakes her head, and puts a hand on mine. "They're still running tests-- won't know for a few hours. I know my Sean's gonna be okay. His family and friends are here for him. He's strong. He'll pull through this."

I sigh deeply before opening my mouth. This was typically when I'd ask the famous question. The question she'd answered for me more times than I could count. And so, I didn't have to ask. Her hand clasped over mine tighter and she said softly, "I haven't seen him for half an hour. He's probably wandering around by himself somewhere. He wouldn't have left without making sure Sean was gonna make it. He will-- but he doesn't know that."

We both look at eachother. "I'll bring him back. I can find him."

She smiles at me softly, "I know you can, Madolyn. Go." I try to read whether or not she was alright to be left alone. "I'm okay here."

I nod, "Jenny'll be here in a minute. She's talking with Tommy."

"Where else would she be? You girls don't realize, I always knew you'd both end up with my boys." She turns to me, looking square into my tired, unsure eyes. It was like she knew what I was thinking. My doubts about Jimmy, his downward spiral-- and how he was ruining his life and there was nothing I could do about it. Not before he helped himself anyway. She continues steadily, "Sometimes people take the ones they love the most for granted. The ones they love the fiercest. He loves you like that. I've seen it in his eyes more times than I can count. And as many times as people try and convince you otherwise, no matter how many mistakes he's made or is making, that love-- that fierce love, doesn't die. Ever. Nothing will change his heart. You know how I know that, Madolyn?"

I shake my head trying to hold back tears. "No, I don't."

"Because you _are_ his heart. He loves his brothers and he loves me, of course. But you're the glue. Do you understand what I'm saying?" she asks.

"I do. It's hard. It's so hard." I try to explain, not in detail of course. I assume she knew what he did, but I wasn't about to be the one to make the wrong assumption.

"I know it is. He'll come back. I know it. Just-- don't give up on him. I'm counting on you and Tommy. He's a good boy. He's just-- well--"

"Jimmy. He's just Jimmy."

And that was all that was said.

As I walk into the dark hallways, I feel a smile spread across my face. No one called me Madolyn but her. No one who expected a response at least.

--------------------------------------------------

Jimmy was nowhere. I hoped and prayed he hadn't left yet-- to do the inevidable. If he hadn't done it already. I had to talk him out of it for Helen. She couldn't sit by another one of her son's hospital beds or God forbid a death bed.

I swallow hard. The thought of that truly scared me. Nothing much scared me anymore. Except that. I walk back a few steps, and peer into an open doorway. Tommy was talking to Huey Farrell and very uncomfortably. I lean in to try and hear what they were saying, but Tommy's eyes meet mine. I back away slightly, and he gave me a look, while trying not to break eye contact with Huey.

I get the message loud and clear and continue down the hall.

I go down two more hallways before I find him. He is standing outside of an elevator waiting for it to open, with a cigarette waiting to be lit in his hand.

I walk over to him, "Hey. You're not leaving are you? The doctors haven't even said anything about Sean yet."

He shakes his head, "I'm coming back. I've got to get out of here for awhile. Fresh air. You know I hate this place."

I knew all too well. "Yeah, I know you do Jim. I'll go with you."

He put his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "No, Mad. No."

I just look at him, trying to read his eyes. It had gotten harder to do.

Then, I saw it. He couldn't look me in the eye. I step closer to him and whisper, "Jimmy-- what did you do?"

His eyes flicker around the hall and then to me. His wild expression was full of guilt and rage. "What I had to. I'm the reason he's in that bed, Maddie. Everyone knows that."

The elevator doors open and he steps inside, pushing the down button. I block the sliding door with my arm. "Get off the elevator."

He is staring down at the floor, "No."

I block the door again and step inside. He was is coldly at me now. The doors are closing and before I know it-- another hand blocks the way. It was Tommy. "Maddie, Jimmy needs to be by himself. Come on, Jenny's looking for you. He'll be right back." Tommy glances at him, "Won't you Jimmy?"

Jimmy nods, "I said I would."

I don't move my body or my eyes, which are still on Jimmy. The door slides again and Tommy blocks it, holding out his hand to me. His eyes are pleading. "Trust me. Just this once. This is for the best."

I take a deep breath and step off the elevator. As the doors close, he didn't look back at me once.

I look to Tommy, "What's gonna happen?"

Tommy guides me by the shoulder to a corner. "Jimmy's going to rehab."

--------------------------------------------------


	5. Denial

**A/N: **

_italics_ flashback, **bold** Joey observations

--------------------------------------------------

I walk back with Jenny to the waiting room after finding her crying by window next to the elevators. When she told me Tommy and Kevin had left, I didn't need any more details. I knew why they had left and that they weren't coming back-- for awhile at least. Hopefully in one piece.

All I could do was let her cry on my shoulder and stare out the window at the rain. Why did it always have to be like this for us? Waiting for something horrible to happen?

I let go of Jenny's long sleeve as she left me. I wrap my arms around myself now wishing that I'd brought a jacket.

I must have fallen asleep in the chair because when I woke up, I felt someone sitting beside me. I wipe my eyes and whisper, "Jimmy?"

Kevin shakes his head, "Just me."

"Hey. When did you and Tommy get back?" I ask.

Kevin flexes his legs, "Fifteen, twenty minutes ago. I didn't want to wake you up. You looked like you'd been sleeping for awhile."

I wrap my arms around myself again. "How's your ma?"

He shrugs, "She's okay, I guess. Under the circumstances. I tried to get her to sit down, so did Jenny." He shakes his head, "She hasn't moved."

I glance down once at Kevin's sleeve and something caught my eye. I look back and there it was. A red stain. I rotate his wrist slightly, and look at it in full view.

He doesn't look at me or try and pull away. He knew that I knew what they'd done for Sean. A feeling of panic came over me and I tucked the sleeve inside his jacket, looking around to make sure no one was watching. There were people across the room but they were out of our view. I put my hand on his and lean on his shoulder.

"Jimmy's dead-- isn't he? If he is, Kevin you have to tell me. Please." I barely got out. I knew there was no way in hell he was going to rehab like Tommy had said. If he was going to he would have done it ages ago.

"No." He says quickly, holding me tightly against his body. He turns his head so his mouth is to my ear. "Me and Tommy took care of it. Jimmy got arrested for the truck thing. He's going to rehab. If he doesn't make it, I'll bail him myself first thing." I start to cry out of relief or sadness. I don't know which. Probably both.

"Jesus-- why Seany? You know I think that kid is the only person in the world I'd take a beating like that for. I'd do it in a second without even thinking about it."

Kevin nods, "I know you would. So would I-- just wish we would have got there sooner. We didn't have a reason to worry about him. No one even knew he was out."

"Kevin, what did Ji--" I stop when Helen calls Kevin's name. The doctor had come back with Sean's results. I walk with him into the next hallway. Tommy showed up just before Jenny, but they'd obviously been together. In what sense, I didn't have a clue, because they both looked awkwardly at each other after she put her hand on his shoulder and then removed it like he had some kind of a disease.

After the doctor left, Tommy told Helen he and Kevin had to step out. Tommy turns to me first, "Can we talk outside for a minute?"

I nod and walk with Tommy and Kevin to the elevators. He tells Kevin to give us a second and we walk to a corner.

He looks right into my eyes, speaking softly. "Listen to me, I know you're worried about him, okay? I know that. But you have to promise me something right now."

"What?" I ask.

"You can't bail him. He needs to stay and go to rehab. Frankie made a deal with the judge. I know you want to help him as much as I do. If he gets out, he won't go."

That was an easy answer. Of course I wasn't going to bail him out. Not if it meant he'd get his life back-- partially at least. "No one's bailing him out."

Tommy nods, lightly kissing the top of my head. "Thank you. Take care of Jenny and ma while we're gone, huh?" He moves past me back to the elevators.

I turn back to them as they step on, "Where are you guys goin'?"

"Shopping." answeres Tommy before the doors close.

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, that makes a whole 'lotta sense."

--------------------------------------------------

I went back to the Diner with Jenny four or five hours later after I asked Helen for the sixty millionth time if she was okay. She would have said yes whether she was or not. Tommy was the same way. Both of them rarely thought of themselves before others they cared about.

I went to my apartment across the street to change clothes before I started my shift. The light was blinking on my answering machine. _One new message_.

I look at the light for five whole minutes before I have the stones to push the play button. Jimmy's shaky, tired voice filled the room. "Mads-- baby, it's me. You home? Pick up the phone. Mad? Listen, something-- I got arrested. I'm in the tombs. I-- Baby, I need out. I'm sick. I'm real sick. I called Tommy and he's not gonna do it. Kevin said he would but I figure Tommy'll talk him out of it, if he hasn't already." There was a long pause before he spoke again. I was holding my breath the whole time. "I need you."

The next few seconds were a blur. Anger, frustration, rage, obligation.. protectiveness.. all emotions that were going on inside of me. Love, too. Which was the hardest one to fight. I rewind the tape and listen to the last part again. _'I need you'_. I tear the machine out of the wall and throw it across the room. "Shit!"

How in the hell can I love someone this much and want to do the worst possible thing for him?

No, I wasn't bailing him out. Not this time. Even if he was tweaking. The drugs always wore off. He'd be okay.. he'd be okay.

_He'd be okay._

--------------------------------------------------

The next morning, I went into work early. It was always busy on Wednesdays at lunchtime and I wanted to get a jump on everything. Nervous energy I guess. Jimmy's voice had been playing over and over in my head for the past twenty-four hours. I had to find some way to drown it out.

I shut the door to the Diner, locking it back and put my purse down behind the counter. I head to the back room to get napkins and as soon as I open the door, there was Jenny, sitting on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest. "Jen? What are you doing on the floor?" I lean down to her level.

Jenny looks up at me, and lets out a deep sigh. "Close the door."

"You know I haven't sweeped back here in weeks, right?" I answer and pull the door closed.

Jenny says quickly, "I slept with Tommy last night."

I spin around and take off my jacket to sit on the floor with. "What?"

She runs her hands through her hair, "It was such a mistake, Mad. I don't even know how it happend."

I laugh, "I'll tell you how it happend. Your in love with him. He's in love with you. Seems simple to me. I'm just glad you both finally got some sense. So, details please?"

She just looks at me. This didn't look good. "He came by the Diner last night and I was gonna tell him-- that I couldn't be with him. He was standing by the door. I was standing behind the counter." She stops, taking a deep breath. "I don't know what happend. He was looking at me. I'd never seen him look at me like that."

I roll my eyes, "That's because you've never paid attention. I know that look. He's been looking at you like that since we were ten years old."

She continues on and ignores the comment. "Then it just happend, and it was amazing. It was everything I ever wanted." She was crying now. "He told me he loved me."

I stand up and lay my jacket down next to her, and sit on it. "Do you love him?"

She nods her head slowly. "Yeah, I do. I love him. I think I've been in love with him for a long time. But, something else happend. I did something last night. Something I shouldn't have done. But I had to do it." She was crying harder now, "I had to. It was the only way he wouldn't go away."

I pull her to me so her head was on my shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

It was several seconds before she started speaking. She told me about the basement and the blood she washed off the steps. I thought about the headline in the paper this morning as she cried on my shoulder about how she could never be with him. Not after something like that. I knew things about Jimmy that Jenny didn't know, and I knew that he had no reason to kill Sal and Huey. Even if he was messed up, he wouldn't have been stupid enough to kill either of them. He couldn't have pulled it off alone.

I also knew that the Italians were the ones who beat up Sean, and that Jimmy and Kevin had left the hospital last night for over two hours, and Kevin had blood on his sleeve.

It didn't take long to figure out that Tommy wasn't the one who killed someone in the basement. Fuck, Jimmy.

--------------------------------------------------

The next night, I got home from work to find my door halfway open. I slowly pushed it open and walk inside. Nothing was out of order in the living room or kitchen. Usually when someone broke in the place was a mess. I pick up the bat sitting in the hallway closet and start walking to the back of the apartment.

Joey had given me the bat to hide awhile back and never asked for it back.

Water was running but then it stopped. The shower was in my bedroom. I push the door open with the bat ready for anything. I rose it above my head when the door to the bathroom opened. The perpetrator put his hands up, towel around his waist almost falling down. I stop, realizing it was only Jimmy.

"What the hell Jimmy! You scared the shit out of me!" I shout at him.

He still had his hands up, adjusting the towel around his waist. He chuckles, "This how you fend off burglars, Mad?"

I throw the bat down and plop down on the bed. "What are you doing here?"

He slips back into the bathroom. "No hot water at the bar. Water company turned it off on account of late payments."

I roll my eyes, "There's a shock. What's it been three months?"

He walks out of the bathroom with jeans and no shirt. "Four." He sits next to me and I tense. He pulls me close and kisses the side of my head. "Sorry I scared ya. I had to get a shower after being in that holdin' cell."

I nod, "I know. It's okay. You just-- you know. Freaked me out."

He starts towel drying his hair and I walk over to the dresser and take out one of his shirts. "Here, it's clean." I hand it to him.

He pulls it on over his head. "Thanks."

I didn't want to push anything. This wasn't the first time he'd shown up after being gone for days at a time or after getting out of jail. He had a key so he wasn't breaking in or anything. It was just like every other day. Problem with that was, this time it was supposed to be different. "Jimmy-- what happend to rehab?"

He lays back on the bed, "Kevin bailed me. They turned me loose."

Yeah, I'd definately be mentioning that to him on a later date. Kevin was always bailing Jimmy out. Even when it wouldn't help him. I lay down on the bed too, and I want to say something, but he was already looking at me with those sad eyes of his. Those sad eyes that were my weakness every time I wanted to tell him he'd done something to hurt me. He runs a hand through my hair, "What's wrong? I know I didn't scare you that bad."

I shake my head, and bury my head in his chest. "No, you didn't. It's nothing. I'm just glad your out. I missed you a little bit."

"Only a little bit, huh?"

**"You see, that's the great thing about denial. It blinds you completely to what's really going on. In Maddie and Jimmy's case, it was the drugs and the situation with Louie Downtown and the Italians. Two things she knew about that he didn't want her to know about, and two things she couldn't confront him about. Not then at least. Sometimes it takes something bigger for the reality part to kick in-- or is it kick you in the ass? I forget." **

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	6. Birdhouses & Huey's Wake

**A/N: **

_italics_ flashback, **bold** Joey observations

--------------------------------------------------

I look up at the clock from the counter. 3:30. I sigh. Another two and a half hours still on my shift. Jenny went someplace with her Dad and that left me to watch the Diner. Barely any customers all day either. I pick up the phone and dial the Firecracker. As soon as the other end picks up I hear laughing. "Yeah?"

A voice in the background says, "Say Firecracker you idiot! You want Jimmy to kick my ass?! Better yet, I'll kick it for him."

A sigh, "Alright, alright. Keep your shirt on. _Firecracker_. Are you happy now? Have I met up to Jimmy's goddamn standards? Hello?"

I wet a rag in the sink. "Joe, it's me. Put Jimmy on."

There is a long silence and nervous coughing. "Umm-- hold on a sec, okay?"

"Yeah." There is fumbling and alot of discussing on the other end. What the hell? "Joey?"

"Yeah he's not here, Mad. He left like two or three hours ago. Hasn't been back since."

I furrow my eyebrows, "No, I know he's there. The vendors come on Wednesdays."

Another long silence. I hear talking again in the background and a _hang up the phone_. I cock my head to the side, "Put Kevin on the phone." Whenever I want to know something, I ask Kevin. He's incapable of lying to me and when he tries, I always know.

"Kevin's busy. He's mopping the floors-- and waxing them." Joey says quickly.

"Bullshit Kevin's mopping the floors. He doesn't clean anything. He wouldn't know the difference between a mop and a broom. Now, where the _hell_ is Jimmy?"

Another silence and a _hang up_. I knew where Jimmy was now. He's upstairs with her, and they're watching the bar. _Son of a bitch_.

I look down at the phone and slam it down on the reciever. Know that feeling you get when you're so mad at someone that you actually invision their violent demise? Maybe it was that time of the month or I have finally lost it, but I want to _kill_ him. He promised me over and over again. How stupid was I?

I don't even bother taking my apron off. I charg out from behind the counter, turn the sign to closed, and slam the door behind me. I fumble for the Diner keys in my purse when a customer walks up behind me, "You closing early?"

I don't respond. I was on a mission. The keys are shoved at the bottom. I jiggle the lock and pull the door to make sure. The customer is still standing there. "Lady?"

I spin around to face him. This poor shmuck had no clue what kind of danger he was in. "Yeah, we're closed! What the hell does it look like? See the sign? Closed!"

He jumps back about two feet and continues down the block to Mulligan's. I start to walk in the opposite direction, but stop. Yeah, there was no way in hell he was going to have a good day. Not if I was right about what Jimmy was doing upstairs. I cross the street to my apartment to pick up a little something.

--------------------------------------------------

I slam the bat down on the bar, standing between Kevin and the stairs. "Move Kevin! I'll smack you over the head with this, I swear to God!"

Kevin shields his face with one hand, trying to get the bat with the other. "Will you just give me five seconds to go and see if he's up there?!"

I shove him hard in the shoulder and he falls back, "Move!" I don't even check to see if he's following me. He wasn't.

Kevin looks to Joey, who's hiding behind the counter with his mouth dropped open. "She may kill him this time. If she doesn't, he's gonna kill me. Damn."

A needle. A large rubber tie. A metal spoon. Jimmy and Joanie on the couch fondling eachother. Did I mention he was under her?

The door wasn't even locked. Hell, it wasn't even closed all the way. I didn't make an introduction. They had no clue I was standing across from the couch.

**"Everyone in the neighborhood was talking about what happend next for weeks. I mean, they didn't shutup about it. _Did she really beat the oldest Donnelly kid with a bat?_ _No, I heard it was a sledgehammer. I heard it was a shovel. I heard she shot him in the chest five times and two of the Donnelly brothers helped her bury him in some abandoned lot in Jersey. _Let the record show that the weapon of choice was the first guess and there was no bloodshed." **

I make my way down the staircase, pass by a terrified Kevin and Joey, and start down the basement stairs. I can hear Jimmy yelling hysterically and then curse at Kevin for not warning him that I was coming up. I stand at the bottom of the steps with my eye on the table next to the freezer. He had been working on it for two months. Everytime I see it laying down here I want to scream. But I always keep quiet about it. I hate that birdhouse. This ugly, worthless piece of shit wooden box that he only worked on when he wasn't sober. Who's ever seen a bird in Hell's Kitchen small enough to fit inside this thing anyway?

Not me. And that's why I start hacking it just like I did the glass table in front of his couch. He limps down the stairs and stands behind me.

I turn to face him with the bat still clutched in both of my hands. My grip on the weapon grows tighter by the second. His hands elevate from his sides slightly and then shoot back down like they're on fire. I smile, getting in his face. "What are you gonna do, Jimmy? You mad? Huh?"

His expression is stone cold. "You think I care about that ugly freakin' thing or the table, huh? You come in here out of nowhere mad as hell and start smashing things while I'm talking to a friend upstairs?" He laughs, "You know how stupid you look right now, right? I wasn't even doing anything."

"I really hope that's the smack talking and you don't actually think that I don't know what you and that junkie whore were doing up there."

He cuts me off, "You're fuckin' paranoid. That's your problem. Always with the paranoia. Jimmy's doing this, Jimmy's doing that."

I don't respond. I just stare him down until he moves out of my way, and walk back upstairs. I lay the bat down on the counter next to Joey. "Don't ask me to hide your shit anymore if you're too lazy to pick it up from my place."

Kevin moves towards me, "Mad, do you want me to--"

I put up a hand to stop him from coming any closer. Last thing I need is for a Donnelly brother to walk me home. Even Kevin. "Don't Kevin. Alright? Don't."

--------------------------------------------------

I shouldn't be here, but I had to help with the catering from the Diner-- again. I was actually have a semi-good time until Jimmy showed up banged out of his head with Joanie and started mouthing off about Huey. Since then, I haven't been able to relax, and I broke my vow about having more than two drinks in one sitting.

Worst thing about it was, since Jimmy had shown up an hour ago, I'd broken it four times.

I lift my half empty drink and watch nervously as Jenny and Dokie talk in a corner across the room. He's asking her questions about the night at the hospital. I know it. Besides, any sentence with Dokie, talking, and corner was never a good thing. Especially if you're connected to a Donnelly, which at the moment, I wish to God I wasn't. The only reason I even know Dokey is because I serve him at the Diner almost everyday and I've always liked Huey and his wife Kate.

Otherwise, I wouldn't be caught within ten feet of the man. He scares the shit out of me.

I walk over to Tommy and Kevin at the back table. Kevin has his head in his hands but Tommy is staring at the same thing I am. "What the hell's goin' on?"

Kevin answers me from under his sleeves, "Jenny's talking to Dokie."

I sit between them, "Really, Kevin? I hadn't noticed." I shoot a look over at Tommy. "So, is someone gonna get her out of there or what?"

Tommy puts up a hand, "Not yet. If one of us goes it'll look suspicious. He's gonna know something's up."

I hesitate before I ask, but horrible habits don't stop overnight. "Where's Jimmy?"

Tommy runs a nervous hand through his hair. "Behind the bar sobering up, probably. I'm surprised no one's killed him yet."

I take another drink. "I'd be the first in line. Believe me."

Jenny walks around Dokie and vanishes out the back door. Tommy follows. After he leaves, I stand up too. "I'm gonna tell Jimmy what's goin' on."

Kevin pulls me back down, "Wait 'till he's doing sobering up, huh? No telling what he'll say to Dokie. Tommy'll talk to him when he comes back."

I look over at Kevin nervously. "Kev, what if he starts asking us questions? You know I'm the worst liar in the world, and it's bad enough that Dokie freaks me out even on his good days, and they are few and far between-- I'll tell ya that right now."

Kevin drains the rest of his drink. "Do you see me sittin' over here about to have a freakin' heart attack? I _know_ he's scary. I realize that."

I glance to my right to see if Tommy and Jenny have come back yet. Dokie is standing there instead and looking right at me. He motions with his hand for me to come over and talk. I turn back to Kevin, and try to look a little less terrifed. He looks back at me. "What?"

I grab the full shot glass from him and finish it. "I'm gonna go talk to Dokie."

He looks at me wide eyed. "What? Are you crazy? No."

"He just called me over. Tommy's right, he's gonna know something's not right. He already thinks Jenny knows more than she's telling him."

I start to get up, but Kevin grabs my arm forcefully, and stands in front of me. He actually looks scared. "Just pretend you didn't see him and stay close to Jimmy by the bar. Even if he's still half in the bag if Dokie makes a move he'll do something about it. For once in your life stay out of it, Mad."

I could see in his eyes that he was serious. I was going to back down. I really was. But then I see Joanie messing with the jukebox across the room, and all reason leaves my body. I take a deep breath and glare up at Kevin. "I don't need Jimmy's permission to talk to Dokie about something I don't hardly know anything about."

I try to move past him but he stops me again, his hand still on my arm. "Maddie, you're not goin' over there. It's not happening. If I have to tie you down to a chair, I'll do it."

I can't believe what I'm hearing from Kevin of all people. He didn't want to try and make this right for he and his brothers? Someone had to convince Dokey that they were all at the hospital for Sean the night Huey was killed. "If there's anyway I can make this right for you, Tommy, and even Jimmy-- I'm gonna do it."

Kevin's eyes move from Dokey behind my shoulder to Jimmy behind the bar. "You know what he'd do if anything happend to you because of what we did?"

I push my hair back with my free hand. "Lately, I'm starting to think nothing."

He seems to not think about his answer. "You're wrong. And I'm not saying that because you're my friend, I'm saying it because I know Jimmy. Don't make this about what he's doing-- whatever the hell he's doing with her, Mad. She don't mean anything to him."

Then why is he showing up with her someplace where he knows I'll be? I jerk my arm away from him and walk into the crowd. By the time he regains his stance and can grab for the back of my arm, I was already gone. He sits back in his seat and stares at the back door, waiting for Tommy to come back.

**"No matter how bad the situation between Jimmy and Maddie seemed to have gotten at this point, Kevin knew better than anyone that Jimmy loved that girl more than he let people see. Not all people, but certain people. Why? To keep things like this from happening. That was the only way he was ever smarter than his brother Tommy. Tommy loved Jenny but didn't know how to hide it. He could try but it was always on his face. Jimmy saw that love as a sign of weakness, and spent most of his energy burying that love so people like Dokie couldn't use it to hurt him. That plan worked out pretty well until that night."**

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	7. The Basement Pt 1

**A/N:**

_italics_ flashback, **bold** Joey observations

Credit goes to **Katie05** for some of this chapter that we wrote together for a role play. I rewrote it, but she still deserves half the credit ;)

--------------------------------------------------

A dark basement. Arm to arm with a terrified, and trying not to show it, Jenny Reilly. I'm standing across from Dokey and next to some huge guy named Earl. Six _or more_ drinks past my limit. Waiting for three of the four Donnelly brothers to show up, hopefully packing. It's safe to say the night isn't going well.

Me? Under normal circumstances, I'd be just as scared as Jenny is. We were manhandled into a basement by Dokie Farrell for crying out loud. But because of me being half-drunk and so mad at Jimmy I could barely see straight, I was just plain pissed off. The irritating numbness in my toes, _which happens everytime I get really drunk_, was starting and the urge to beat the ever-loving shit out of Earl, who kept putting his hand on my shoulder to try and keep me from moving away from him.

I put my arm around Jenny, and rub her arm reassuringly. "It's gonna be okay, Jen. Just relax."

Jenny glances over at me, hands by her sides. "Easy for you to say. I'm not drunk."

I take a deep breath. "Tommy and-- Tommy'll be down any minute. Then they'll let us go."

There was Earl's hand pressing down again. I glare up at him, and shift my weight towards Jenny. "You gotta keep putting your hands on me like that? What do you think we're gonna go flying up through the floorboards or something?" I jerk my shoulder away from him. "Get off of me."

His hand didn't move. I glance towards the open doorway when the creaks start and the shadow against the light hits my face. Tommy showed. Thank God. My expression changes after I hear Dokie say _they showed_. They? Oh, shit. Now I realized why I'd been brought with Jenny. Dokey had no idea who killed Huey.

Tommy is standing in front of Dokey, eyes moving from me to Jenny. But they stay on Jenny, with her arms wrapped protectively around herself trying not to completely lose it. Jimmy limps in from behind and stands next to him. His eyes look glazed over, but I can tell he's partially sober. That was something at least. The last thing the four of us needed was another one of us that wasn't exactly lucid.

One thing did catch my attention and my aggitation (_or half of it at least_) turned to worry. They both appeared to be unarmed.

My now-worried eyes turn to connect with Jimmy's fiery, pissed off ones. We stare at eachother until the tight grip on my arm causes the blood in my veins to boil uncontrollably. My eyes divert from Jimmy's and met Earl's. "You know I wasn't sure before, but now I know you must be either deaf and dumb or out of your goddamn mind. Get your hands off of me!"

Jenny tugs at the bottom of my sleeve. "She's not going anywhere. Maddie, stop. Please."

I ignore Jenny, and struggle with all of my newfound energy against Earl's heavy frame, but he isn't letting up. I look to Dokey. "Tell your friend over here that I'm not a rag doll Doke, huh? I bruise just like everyone else. I'm sick of this macho bullshit. We know you're tough, Okay? Message received."

"Dokey--" Jimmy starts, before shooting an angry look at Earl. "Touch her again, and I'll cut off your hand and feed it to you. Understand?"

Tommy blinks twice, and his hand rises. "Everyone just relax. Dokey, this whole thing would go alot smoother if you told him to ease up. My brother's not gonna be very manageable if he keeps having to watch his girlfriend get manhandled."

Dokey looks at both of them unemotionally. "Truthfully Tommy, I don't care how manageable Jimmy is at this point. I want straight answers, and I intend to get them. No matter who has to die down here tonight or who we have to manhandle-- I'm gonna get them."

Tommy does his best impersonation of a peacemaker. "You don't want to kill anyone, Dokey. We're just talking."

I find myself backing down when Tommy glances over at me, trying to let me know that I wasn't helping either of them, and that he had things under control.

After a few seconds, Earl left me and went to the door. He grabs something and hands it to Dokey. "Thanks Earl."

It was an axe. My heart has dropped into my stomach, and my imagination is running a thousand miles a minute.

Dokey turns the axe over, and rotates it with his hand. "Where's your other brother?"

No, that didn't look good. Kevin looked more scared than I'd ever seen him before they brought me down here. The fact that he ran off didn't surprise me. If there was one thing he wasn't cut out for it was this. No way in hell he could have looked Dokey in the eye and lied to him about the night Huey was killed.

Tommy looks over at us. "You two should go. Jimmy, take them upstairs."

Jimmy shakes his head, "You take them upstairs. I'm good right here. Mad, take Jenny and go with Tommy."

I glare at Jimmy, not intending to go anywhere now. "Don't tell me who to go upstairs with, Jimmy. Alright? You go upstairs. Fuck yourself while you're at it."

Jimmy is about to respond when Dokey steps in. "No one's taking anybody upstairs."

"You want to tell us what we're all doing down here?" Jimmy asks.

Dokey points at him. "Shutup, Jimmy. Okay? You and your girlfriend talk too much. It's starting to really irritate me."

I roll my eyes. I wanted to say _try living it for fifteen years_, but decide against it.

Dokey waits a few seconds before he starts to speaks. "It's funny-- there's all these people right up there, and we're down here just a few feet away. Something totally different going on, you know? And they're none the wiser. It's funny how that works. You know, you guys could wind up dead tonight. I could just say that I was at a wake. It's the truth, I've got witnesses." He looks to Tommy, "You ever find yourself in a situation Tommy, with your brothers, that people could have swore you were there, and yet you were doing something else?"

I knew then that Dokie thought Jimmy had killed Huey and Tommy was covering for him. There was no way any of us were getting out of here alive.

I watch as Tommy's eyes close, trying to take all of this in. "I need them to leave, Dokey."

Jenny looks over at Tommy, her voice cracking slightly. "We're fine right here."

I nod in agreement, looking right at Jimmy. "What she said."

Jimmy looked more angry with me than I'd ever seen him. And this was counting the time I told his mother he was the one who slipped cinnamon in her macaroni and cheese casserole before Christmas Eve dinner when we were ten. But I didn't care. I was hell bent on staying. But from the way Jenny looked now, I didn't think she could take much more of this. Unlike me, she didn't have anything to prove to anyone.

Dokey continues, "Girls sound like they're good where they are, Tom." Looking to Jimmy, "I know you killed Huey. I don't know how you did it, but I know you killed him. You were the last one with him, Tommy. And you, big mouth. Shooting your mouth off at the bar that your brothers killed for you. You've got a big mouth, Jimmy."

The bar. Stupid son of a bitch. That was why Dokie thought it was him. He was the reason they were all in this mess. At that point, I made a promise to myself that whether or not Dokie and Earl killed all of us down in this basement, I was going to refuse any eye contact with Jimmy. I was fuming, I was so mad at him.

"You know I'm not the smartest guy in the world. But I do know one way to get to the truth."

My eyes widen when the sound of metal starts scraping against the floor. Dokey slams a keg in front of Jimmy. This was not happening. I knew what was coming next. What he'd ask him to do. It's one of Jimmy's only weaknesses, aside from his mother, Sean, and now me apparently. The thing he hates most about himself. His shattered leg.

I watch intently as he starts to laugh, egging Dokie on, and swings his leg up on the keg like he was only bluffing. Dokie rests the axe over his shoulder, and circles the room. "That's your bum leg isn't it?"

Jenny steps forward slightly. She may not like Jimmy, but he was like a brother to her all the same. "Stop this."

Tommy's once-cool expression changes drastically. Mine had too. Except mine had gone from angry to terrified. "He was in the tombs when your brother was killed, Dokie."

Damn all of that history to hell. That day in the hospital when we were kids. That's all I'm thinking about when I squeeze my eyes shut, dreading what came next.

_"I'm not gonna be able to walk, right? I'm gonna be one of those freaks--" He swallows hard, trying to get the next set of words out. "..one of those cripples who the other kids stare at and make fun of behind their backs. Son of bit-" _

_"Stop it! You won't be a freak, Jim. You won't. What do doctors know anyway? They don't know anything. Did they keep my Ma alive when she died right after she had me? Hell no. They don't know anything."  
_  
_"You said no one liked me before. Does um-- does that include you or--"_

_"Yeah, that includes me." _

"I think you like me just a little bit. Otherwise you wouldn't have been crying for me."

My eyes open, and I break the promise I made to myself less than five minutes before. Not only did I look into Jimmy's eyes, I plead with him silently to beg for his life. Even though I know in my heart that wasn't going to happen in a million years. Oh no. Jimmy had to show Dokie who the _real_ man was.

Jimmy laughs harder this time, looking from me back to Dokie. "You'd better leave me dead, Doke. 'Cause I'm gonna stick this stump straight down your throat."

Dokie smiles back, "You got it. That's a promise."

I snap into protective mode and quickly intervene. "Take your leg off that keg, Jim. Don't--"

I heard a small wimper escape my throat. All I want to do is be upstairs pissed and trying to ignore him again. At least then he'd be safe and not staring down the blade of an axe at the hands of Dokie Farrell. Did I really just think that? Yeah, I did. Jesus.

Tommy speaks up, "You want to know what happend-- do ya? I want them out of here. This is between the three of us."

Dokie waves his hand, "Sure. But only one's going. Red stays." He sticks the axe blade in my face, "She needs to know what happens to girls who lie for their boyfriends about killing somebody's brother." My eyes are on the blade, and my body is frozen solid. I could actually feel my skin crawling.

Jenny tenses, and takes a step towards me. "Maddie."

I still couldn't move. I must have had a fear of axes that had been supressed throughout my life up until this point. "Everything's alright, Jen. Stay put."

Jimmy grits his teeth and takes a small step forward, but it was Tommy who spoke for him. "Get that thing out of her face right now."

Without taking his eyes off of me, "Don't you think so, Jim? I don't know-- your girlfriend here seems pretty tough. I think she can handle it. It's only a limb, right?"

The fear quickly turns to anger again. For being forced into that basement. For being more pissed and worried about Jimmy at the same time than I'd ever been in my life. And for having a sharp object less than five feet away from my face. "You're one sick son of a bitch, you know that?"

" She's funny too. Who knew you had good taste, Jimmy." Dokie lowers the axe and motions for Jenny to be taken upstairs. Earl starts to guide her by the shoulder but she wouldn't have it. She struggles out of his grasp. "I'm not leaving without her."

My eyes lower to the floor, "It's okay, Jenny. You need to get out of here."

"So do you." Jenny retorts.

I look up at her piercingly trying to get her out as soon as possible. The sooner she left the quicker we'd be out of here. "You heard him. I've gotta stay. Go."

"I leave here alone I call the police."

I shake my head and my voice cracks for the first time. "No, Jenny-- that's not gonna help anything."

Tommy cuts in, "She's not gonna call the police with us down here. Jenny, please. It's okay. Go."

She looks from Tommy to me for approval. When we each gave her reassuring nods, she heads out, but not before giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

I know Jimmy had heard my voice crack when I caught his _are you okay_ look as Jenny was leaving. He rarely looked at me like that because it took alot to shake me up. Even as a kid. But this was one of those times where he knew I was scared and had no control over it. All I knew to do was give him a small nod and make the strength behind the gesture seem genuine. And of course, the minute he looks away from me and his vulnerability was gone, he goes back to being Jimmy.

He put his hands up, "Is someone gonna do something 'cause my leg's gettin' tired."

Dokie turns the axe to Jimmy and Tommy. "Shut your mouth." To Tommy, "And you've got one chance to tell me the truth."

Jimmy's hand shifts slowly to his back pocket. He looks right at me and I knew. He had a gun. I look away from him so it wouldn't seem obvious as Tommy tells Dokie that they had in fact killed someone, but it was because the Italians were coming after them, and it wasn't Huey.

Jimmy reaches into his back pocket, "I've got a cramp." He points the gun straight at Dokey and almost on cue, Tommy begins disabling Earl with blows to the face, and pulls out a gun of his own. This was the most ironic thing ever. I was actually staying out of it while one of the Donnelly brothers was in a fight with someone other than another Donnelly brother. When we were kids, and as of late, I never sat on the sidelines. I was either helping to disable the other person or holding said brother back.

Dokey stares both of them down angirly. "You pull guns on me? You are dead."

Jimmy laughs, "And you were acting so friendly."

I glare at him, not because of what he said, but out of needing to know what to do next. "Jimmy--"

He puts an arm out, "Just stay there. Don't move."

Tommy extends his gun to Dokie. "You want a gun? Take it."

I look over at Tommy frantically. "What? Tommy."

Jimmy rolls his eyes, "Oh, that's real smart Tommy."

Dokie raises the axe and I flinch, thinking he was going to finally use it. "No, I'm cool with my axe Tommy."

Tommy extends his hand with the gun pointed down to me, not taking his eyes off of Dokey. I looked from the gun to Jimmy who nods at me to take it. There was the anger boiling up again. He knew that I hated guns. So did Tommy, but not to the extent that Jimmy did. He _really_ knew. I doesn't bother me seeing one in plain sight when it was being handled by another person-- I mean, come on, I grew up here. But using one? Never again.

I shake my head, looking to the floor. "Hm mm. No way in hell I'm taking it. I don't care if this one hacks me up into little pieces. I'm not taking it. You know I can't. I can't do it."

Tommy hasn't moved and Jimmy is still looking at me to take it. I knew they just wanted me to be able protect myself so we could get out of here, but still. Christ. I had to take it.

I move past Dokie and Tommy hands me the gun. I snap right back to my position. "The safety on or off, Tom?"

Tommy shakes his head, "Safety's off, Mad. Just keep it pointed at the guy on the floor. Don't shoot him unless I say so. Try and hold it steady."

I do what he says. Tommy's voice explaining to Dokie about the kidnapping of Louie Downtown drowns out in my head.

Damn the history to hell. There it was again-- like a tick that just wouldn't quit sucking you dry. Always coming back for just a little bit more. Why do I hate guns? Many people have asked me over the years, including Tommy and even Jenny, and I have the same answer for everyone. That I just don't like them and have no interest ever holding one, let alone learning to use it properly. Jimmy was the only one who knew that answer was bullshit.

Truth was, at sixteen, he's the one who taught me how to use one properly.

_Jimmy's hand is on my back, guiding me down the crowded hallway of the high school. "Jimmy, where are we going? I can't miss Phys Ed again, Ms. whats-her-name'll kill me. The bitch already gave me a C last semester." _

_"You'll only be late, alright? Promise. I just need to find somewhere we can be alone for a minute. Two minutes, tops."_

_I blush, "It takes you that long, huh?"_

_He smiles back and into my ear, "If we were gonna do that you'd be skipping the class."_

_I nudge him and he leads me faster towards the door to the boiler room downstairs. He opens the door for me and closes it behind us. We walk down and hide underneathe the stairwell. He takes out a dirty rag covered with black and brown spots. I look at him with a disgusted expression._

_"Jimmy Donnelly, if this another prank that you and Kevin cooked up to gross me out, I'm walking right now."_

_He shakes his head, looking above us through the gaps to make sure no one was there. "No, no, no. It's nothing like that. I just-- you know with that girl gettin' raped last week a block from the Diner, I got to thinking. You work 'till closin' at twelve Friday and Saturdays.."_

_I roll my eyes. "I told you I'm not quitting just 'cause of what happend to Danielle Cissoro. Jenny and her Pop need me. Especially those nights."_

_"Yeah, yeah. I know, you told me before. That's why I got you this."_

_He unfolds the matty rag and something metal and black is inside. He moves towards the light and I realize it's a gun. "Are you serious? Jimmy, where--"_

_Barely above a whisper, "Don't worry about where I got it. That's not important. I want you to take it."_

_He hands over the rag with the small .45 on top and places it in my hands. I could feel them shaking underneathe. "Jimmy, no. I can't take this."_

_He nods, "Yeah you can. Watch, see--" He takes my hand and shows me how to hold it. "This is the safety. Right now it's on. Means you can't shoot nothin'. When it's off, you can shoot." He moves behind me, and enlaces his arms through mine and holds the gun with me, pointing it straight. "Just hold it like that. Steady. We can drive out somewhere this weekend and I'll bring a target. Dad used to do it with me all the time."_

_He moves back around me and I hand it back to him. "Keep it until you teach me how to use it, huh? I don't want to walk around with it until I know."_

_He simply shrugs, takes it from me, and puts it back in his jacket ._

_I sigh, crossing my arms over my chest. "Jimmy, how many times do I gotta explain to you that I can take care of myself?"_

_He wraps his arms around my waist and I drape mine over his shoulders. "I know you can. You're tough, I've figured that out by now. But Mads, I'm always gonna worry. I can't be with you all the time. The Cissoro girl was just walking down the street at night and got pulled into an alley." He shakes his head, "There's no way in hell something like that's happening to you. I'd never forgive myself if something like that happend and I wasn't there."_

_I look at him strangely, "Jimmy, nothing's gonna happen to me."_

_"You take the trash out at night, you're not paying attention to who's around-- anything could happen. I just want you to be prepared."_

_I look at the ground, "I don't know, Jimmy. I don't feel right about it. Where would I put it so no one'll see it on me? My Dad catches me with that thing I'm dead."_

_"Just put it in your back pocket and keep your shirt over it. The apron will cover it up too." He pushes my chin up so that I'm looking at him. "Do this for me, huh? I'll sleep better knowing you've got some kind of protection with you. You don't have to carry it around during the day, just at night when you're working."_

_"This mean you won't wait for me to get off anymore to walk me home?"_

_He smiles, "You kiddin' me? And miss out on those fries?" He gets serious, "For when I'm not there, Maddie. Just take it, okay? Please."_

_I think about it and finally give in. I don't want to take it or learn to use it, but I know I have to have some way of protecting myself. I wasn't stupid. I read the papers. I know what the crime rate in the neighborhood is. I would take it. But I was sure I wouldn't need it. _

**"That weekend Jimmy did teach her how to use it. He even brought Tommy along who he'd taught a little over a year before. After that, Maddie never had to use the it. She carried it around with her, only at night, for a little over a year before she ever came close. The next year Jimmy was almost nineteen and out of high school. He'd been kicked out halfway through his Senior year for-- well, for several reasons. One's never actually been pin pointed, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, Maddie was still in her Junior year and having more problems than ever with her father, who at that point was known as the ****_Drunk Italian._ Seriously, not many people even knew his first name. All you had to say was Drunk Italian and everyone knew who you were talking about. It never seemed to bother Mad. She bailed him out of jail when he called, she picked him up from the hospital after he got stitched or bandaged up from another barfight-- Yeah, it was fucked up and she knew it, but she was always real quiet about it. Jimmy would get steamed up about it sometimes, but Maddie would always be able to tone down the situations with her father. But that's not what bothered Jimmy. What bothered him was something that nobody else knew. That when Maddie's Pop got wasted enough, just enough, he'd take his anger out on her with his fists. It didn't happen alot, but it happend more often than not. _That's_ what bothered Jimmy. ****Sure, it bothered Maddie too. No one likes being smacked around, even if the person doing it has no clue what they're doing. But she accepted that it happend once in awhile. Until that night..."**

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	8. The Basement Pt 2

**A/N: **

_italics_ flashback**, bold** Joey observations

Credit goes to **Katie05** for some of this chapter that we wrote together for a role play. I rewrote it, but she still deserves half the credit ;)

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_I quickly step out of the cab when my Dad stumbles onto the pavement, laughing. I try to help him to his feet but he's face down on the ground. "Come on. Get up. We've got to climb three flights of stairs and I'm not carrying you."_

_He puts up his thumb, "Roger that. I hear ya, sweetie. I'm getting up."_

_I try to help him again but he swats me away. "I can do it. Just give me a minute."_

_The cab driver rolls down the window. "Hey, lady? Seventeen-fifty."_

_I turn back around, and lean on the cab. "For five blocks? Give me a break, huh?"_

_"I've got a meter in front of me that says seventeen-fifty. Are we gonna have problems?" He asks._

_I start to dig through my purse, "No. No problems." I hand him a twenty and he takes off without giving me my change. What a neighborhood._

_I turn back around, "Okay, time to climb." He was already halfway up the stairs to our apartment building. I came from behind and balance him, but he shrugs me off._

_"I got it." He pushes the door open and walks towards the mailboxes. I take hold of his arms and lean against him. "No mail tonight, Pop. You can get it in the morning. You need to sleep it off."_

_We make it up the three flights and I unlock the door with my keys. I throw them on the coffee table and take off his coat for him. He plops down on the couch, back first. "What would I do without you?"_

_I snort, "Walk the five blocks home. What happend this time? Someone look at you the wrong way?"_

_He rubs his temples in pain. "He mouthed off. He was asking for it."_

_I roll my eyes, hanging the coat up in the hallway closet. "They always do."_

_I walk to my room down the hall and change clothes. Jimmy was picking me up to go out in twenty minutes, which is why I was glad we had made it back in time. I loved it when he picked me up. Usually we'd just meet up wherever we were going and he'd walk me home. I look at myself in the mirror, and put on some red lipstick I'd bought last week._

_Pop leans in my doorframe, "You going out with the Donnelly kid?"_

_I nod, and untwist the top of my mascara. "Yeah, he's picking me up. I'll be back by eleven."_

_He shakes his head, "You're not going."_

_I turn around in the seat. "What are you talking about?"_

_He steps into the room and starts to pace. "What am I talking about? I'm telling you that you're not going. I don't like him. He's no good. You know what kinds of things people say about that kid around the neighborhood? That he's into drugs and runs with that group that steal the cars from the lots."_

_I roll my eyes and turn back around, continuing with the mascara. The second part was true. Tommy was in into that too. The first I'm still skeptical about. I'd never seen him do any drugs, but I've heard talk. "Don't believe everything you hear. Jimmy's a good guy."_

_He steps closer to the vanity dresser, and puts a hand on his hip. "You're not going. You're staying. He walks in this house, I'll beat the shit out of that Irish spick! And don't think I won't!"_

_I put the mascara back in the makeup bag and look down at my knees. "Don't talk about him like that. You're drunk. You don't know what you're talking about."_

_Kicking a chair across the room, "Don't tell me that I'm drunk and I don't know what I'm talking about!" I stand up quickly. "What the hell's wrong with you?!"_

_He takes hold of my arm and pushes me away from him and my back hits the wall. "You're not leaving this house with that kid! That's it!"_

_I regain my balance and walk towards him. "I hate you, you know that? Even when you're not like this I still hate you. But I take care of you and when you call I'm always there to bail you out of whatever shit you get yourself into. You don't give a damn where I go or who I see. You just want me to be as miserable as you are." I shake my head, "I'm going and there's nothing you can do about it!"_

_I try and leave the room but he steps in front of me. "Yeah? Is that right?"_

_"Move!" I shout, shifting my weight. When I try for a third time to move past him, it happens. He holds his hand up and strikes me across the face. Hard. The pain stung instantly and I can feel the familiar tingling on my jawline. I put a hand on my cheek. "Son of a bitch." I back up into the bathroom and lock myself inside._

_I slide down the door, cursing myself for being stupid enough to think it wouldn't happen again like he had promised me three months ago. My hands are shakily. I can see the mascara run down my face and drip onto my leg. I didn't know what to do. Usually I just sat in the bathroom until he finally passed out. But Jimmy was coming to pick me up. What was I supposed to say to him? He couldn't see me like this. He'd kill him. Usually that's just what people said. In my case, it was true. He would._

_No. This had to stop. I've dealt with this for too many years. It ends tonight. I open the doors to the cabinet and feel for the gun that I had taped to the top. I take it out, open the bedroom door, and walk down the hallway into the living room. He was in the kitchen getting another beer out of the fridge. I stop about ten feet from him and point. "It should have been you instead of her."_

_He drops the half-empty beer bottle and the glass shatters on the wood floor. "What the hell are you doing, Maddie?"_

_"Does it make you feel less unhappy about living without her? Throwing me around whenever you get wasted? Does it make you feel good?"_

_He stares at the gun nervously. "Put the gun down. You don't even know how to use it."_

_"I know how to use it. I'm not doing this anymore. If I don't do something about it it's gonna keep going on and on. Even when I turn eighteen and can finally leave this shithole I'll still be here. It's not gonna stop."_

_He's about to respond but something catches his attention behind me. I see Jimmy in the corner of my eye standing next to me. He stares at the gun for a second and his eyes move from my Dad back to me. "I'm guessing tonight's not a good night to go out?"_

_I ignore him and focus on keeping my hands steady. He moves to the opposite side of me, and examines the forming bruise. "He do that?"_

_He puts a hand on my arm. I flinch. "Everything's under control. Just leave."_

_"Tell you what-- why don't you hand the gun over and let me take care of this? Joey's out there waiting for us." _

**"Oh yeah, did I mention I was there? Sorry, forgot about that. I'll try and warn you next time."**

_My eyes shift to Jimmy and as soon they do Dad steps towards us to try and get the gun away. Jimmy immidiately shoots him a glare, without missing a beat. "Don't even think about it! You're lucky I haven't come over there and knocked your fucking teeth out for doing that to her face. Don't move." _

_The front door opens and Joey walks inside. "What the hell's going on, Jimmy?"_

_Without taking his eyes off of me, "Nothing's going on. I need you to take her out into the hall. Can you do that?"_

_Joey nods, "Yeah, yeah. I can do that."_

_I move my arm away from him, but he keeps his hold on me. "Hey, hey. Relax. Hand it to me."_

_I shake my head violently, tears falling harder. "No! Just leave, Jim."_

_"If you think I'm leaving you here with him alone you're nuts." He presses his body behind me and runs his arms down mine, putting both of his hands on the gun. He whispers in my ear, "I'm not leaving you. I'm gonna count to three. All you have to do is let it go. Nice and slow."_

_I don't wait until three. I let it go and without another word, walk out of the apartment with Joey trailing behind me. I didn't care what he did or what happend after that. I just wanted it all to be over and to be free of him._

**"I remember standing out in that hallway with Maddie. Longest fifteen minutes of my life. I kept waiting for a gunshot and wondering how in the hell we were gonna get his body out of that building without anyone seeing us. We didn't bring a car. But I never heard a gunshot. All Jimmy did was put the fear of God in him. That's all it took. He came out with one packed suitcase and told Maddie she was staying at the Donnelly's for the night. The next day, she moved in with her Grandmother and lived there until she saved up enough money to get an apartment in the neighborhood. She didn't talk to her Pop for two years-- until he called her in the middle of the night from the hospital. But he never layed a hand on her like that again. One of the best gifts Jimmy ever gave her, and she knew it. She also never held a gun again."**

I snap out of my thoughts when I hear Dokie respond to Tommy's explanation. "What did you do? You shoot him?"

The one thing I knew that no one else did. At least I didn't think Jenny had told anyone except for me that she was the one who cleaned up the basement that night. My eyes and the gun follow Earl as he crawls across the floor to the drain. There had to be blood there. Jenny would never have thought to look. It had only been a little over a week since it happend.

I let out a sigh of relief as blood starts to drip from his fingertips. Dokie should be convinced of the half truth now. Tommy tells Jimmy to put the gun down, and I do the same.

Tommy looks to Dokie, and takes a deep breath. "We good here, Dokie?" He nods to Jimmy to get me out of there.

Jimmy crosses the room and slips the gun out of my hand. He puts it in his back pocket and holds out his hand out to me. I wait a few seconds before I take it and let him lead me over to the basement stairs.

I feel his body push me back suddenly so that I'm behind him when Dokie threatens Tommy with the axe. "You ever point a gun at me again and I will hack you in half. While you're still screaming, you got it?" I was the only thing keeping Jimmy from getting between Tommy and that axe.

After Tommy let him know he understood, Dokie continues past us up the stairs. Jimmy runs a hand through his hair, leaning over. "Christ."

I leave Jimmy's side and walk over to Tommy who seemed dazed. I put a hand on his back. "You okay?"

He runs a hand over his face, coming back to reality. "Yeah, I'm good. How 'bout you? You alright?"

I don't answer right away. I look up the stairs first. Dokie was gone now. "As soon as I get out of here I will be."

Jimmy straightens up and motions for us to start up the stairwell. I reach the top and stop when Jimmy pulls me aside. "Wait-- just-- wait a minute. Come over here." Tommy walks past me back into the bar, I assumed to find Jenny.

He's standing against the wall fidgeting. His hands rub up and down my arms and he isn't looking at me. "What, Jim?"

He looks up at me and cups my face in his hands. He didn't have to say anything. I was thinking the same thing. I could have lost him. Out of the blue, he pulls me into a tight hug and strokes the back of my hair. I should walk away right now before this goes any further. Before I walk up those stairs to his apartment over the bar. But my feet were bolted to the ground, and when he asks me to come up, I follow him. _Stupid girl_. _Haven't you learned anything? He got you into this._

I wait while he nervously fumbles for his key. There must have been thirty keys on that key ring. He was always losing them. His hands tremble while he jiggles the dead bolt. Either the drugs and booze were still in his system or he was as shaken up as I was. I wanted to believe the latter.

The door opens and I walk inside before him. I jump when he slams the door shut and violently pulls the chain over to lock deadbolt. I don't move from the middle of the hallway. I just stand there. Probably because I have no clue where to go, how to act, or what to say after something like tonight. What was there to say?

I hear him call my name and my head snaps in his direction. "Yeah?"

He wraps his arms around my waist from behind. His chin is resting on my shoulder. "Everything's okay now. It's over."

I close my eyes and brush my hands against his arms, holding onto him. He kept whispering things in my ear, trying to let me know that I was safe now-- that it was over and he and Tommy had taken care of it. I try to do what I usually did-- get lost in the whispers and ignore the dangers that he got himself into. Dangers that this time had affected me and almost ended our lives. It's been months since he's held me like this. He never just held me anymore.

But it was too much. The memories of the basement kept flooding back. _His leg on the keg.. Tommy's face watching Jenny terrified.. Jenny having to leave without me.. Jimmy looking at me like he was never going to see me again.._

I quickly unfold his arms from my waist and turn away from him. "Jimmy, I can't do this with you right now. I can't."

He takes a few steps towards me. "Don't." I look into his eyes and try to think of some way to explain. But I knew what I had to do. Even if I really didn't want to. Even if I really did want to stay and didn't want to walk into an empty house tonight. "I'm leaving, I've gotta get out of here."

I bolt past him and pull at the doorknob, wanting out of that room so badly that I forgot about all those locks. Jimmy and his locks. He may have not looked it to most people, but he was one of the most paranoid human beings that ever walked the earth. I pull the chain to the side and struggle to get the deadbolt open. It was stuck because of Jimmy jamming it closed so hard.

I groan loudly and start twisting with both hands. Still no use. He leans on the door with one arm. Without looking over at him, "Are you gonna help me open this thing or what? You shut it so hard it caught or something. Damn thing won't even budge." I pull at the knob again, my heart racing.

He couldn't convince me to stay in that apartment. I've heard this all before. He'd promise me protection.. change.. love.. and anything else he knew I wanted. But he wouldn't deliver on any of them and it would hurt me. If I let him try, I'd end up staying. I'd buy into his shit like I always did and I'd hate myself for it later.

"No." He answers, "Not gonna do it."

I look over at him with my now furious eyes. Who the hell did he think he was? "Jimmy, open the door. Open it right now. I'm not kidding."

He shakes his head, "Neither am I. You're not leaving. You're staying. I have to tell--" He stops mid-sentence.

I had never seen him like this before. True, there were several Jimmy's. This was one I'd apparently never met. "What? Jimmy--"

He starts getting fidgety again and runs a hand over his face nervously. He slams his hand against the door. "Damn it! I-- Maddie. You could have died. They could have killed you in front of me. Do you get that?! They would have gotten away with it too. No one would have known." His face gets more red by the second and he's yelling now. "I can't even think of a reason you'd go anywhere near that guy knowing what you know."

"What did I know, Jimmy?! You didn't tell me anything at the hospital, I didn't know what you did!"

His face inches closer to mine, "You knew! Look, I guess you were trying to help me, Tommy, and Kevin out. Fine. But you risking your life like that--going down there with Dokie who wants my head on a stick, or better yet wants to use you to get to me, and with Jenny fucking Reilly as your backup?! Are you out of your damn mind?!"

Now I was in his face yelling. "Am I out of my damn mind?! I'm sorry, was I the one at the bar drunk off my ass shooting my mouth off? No! That was you."

His voice is calmer now. "You can't do that. You can't do crazy shit like the for me-- or any of us. Understand?" He looks straight into my eyes and puts a hand on the side of the my head. "You can't scare me like you did down there tonight again. You gotta be more careful, you know?"

It sounded like he cared and was worried. He was making complete sense-- until the last part when he turned into a condescending prick. I was wondering what happend to the old Jimmy. Found him. _'You gotta be more careful'_. Was he serious? I hated even thinking it, but I was starting to see why Jenny had said she couldn't be with Tommy, even after all these years. Same shit-- different day, different brother. Lucky for Jenny, she had the one with his head on straight. Me? I was stuck with the most complicated, fucked up, and reckless one of the four.

I push his hand away from my face, maybe a little more forcefully than I intended, and step back. "More careful? Careful of what Jimmy? I was at wake with a barful of people in a public place. What _exactly_ am I supposed to be looking out for?" I shove him backwards, "We haven't even seen eachother in four days!"

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. But at this point, I couldn't see calm happening. "Dokie called me over to talk to him and asked me about the night at the hospital that Sean got beat up. I figured it would look suspicious if I didn't go. Hell, he'd already scared Jenny off with all the questions he asked her. That looked bad enough. Next thing I know-- Jen comes back inside without Tommy and Dokie's guy starts manhandling her down into the basement. I look back to try and find you or Kevin and Dokie's standing right there, breathing down my neck, telling me that if I don't start walking he's gonna make this a whole lot worse for you, Tommy, and Kevin than it has to be."

I throw my hands up. "What the hell was I supposed to do? I didn't have much of a choice. How should I know he thought you killed Huey?"

Jimmy was quiet and didn't attempt to respond so I keep talking. There were things that needed to be said and he knew it. I look down at the ground, and realize that Jimmy almost being killed in the basement tonight wasn't the only thing that I was pissed off about. The thought of it made me want to punch a hole through a wall. "You showed up at the bar banged out of your head with Joanie all over you. I was mad and maybe I had a little too much to drink and my guard was off --yeah. I'll admit that. Maybe I should have went to find you after Dokie called me over, but I didn't." I add quietly, "I would have been fine down there without you. You haven't been _you_ for a long time."

That was long overdue. Too bad it took something like this before I could tell him. Jimmy was still in his position, blocking the way with his arm. "Let me out of here, Jim. I'll walk myself home. Call Joanie, maybe she's up for a little fun. I'm done tonight." I look up at him for the last part, "I don't need the empty promises or for you to take care of me. I don't need you."

He reaches past my hip and turns the deadbolt with little to no effort. "You want to leave, Mad? Go. I'll see ya next time, huh?"

He walks into the kitchen and opens the refridgerator. I roll my eyes, "Yeah, I'll see you next time. Fucking wonderful, Jimmy."

I angirly swing the door open and realize that I'd be walking home and it was cold out. I wasn't wearing a jacket. I should have just kept going and risk freezing to death in my dress. "I need my jacket from the hall closet. I left it last week. I'm not walking wearing this."

Jimmy slams the unopened beer down on the counter and starts taking off his jacket. "Christ already, here, take mine. Just take it."

I cross my arms over my chest. "I don't want your jacket, I want my jacket."

He takes a long drink. "So, go and get it."

I throw my purse on the couch and walk quickly to the back hallway past the kitchen. "Jesus, it was closer to you! You can't even throw me my jacket? Real mature, Jimmy. Really, really grown up!" I throw the door open, rip the jacket off the hanger, kick the door shut, and kick it again after. "Damn it!"

From the kitchen, "You don't want the fucking jacket. You just want to save me. Not gonna happen, sweetheart. Lost cause."

I stop in front of the counter, "Trust me Jimmy at this point I _know_ I can't save you, alright? I've known that for a long time. So, why don't you just shut the hell--"

I watch as he thrusts the empty beer bottle across the room and it shatters on the wall. I throw a nearby pad of paper at him and it bounces of his chest. "You're a son of a bitch, you know that?! Just because I don't want to sit here and watch you drink youself into a coma-- again! And you know what else?!" I chuck a pen at him. "You've never given a shit! You don't care that I'm walking home alone, you don't care about what happend in the basement, and you don't even care that not just me, Tommy, and Jenny but _you_ almost died down there! You don't even care if you live or die, Jim. And I'm supposed to live with that? I'm supposed to wonder when you're gonna show up somewhere banged out of your fucking head with some girl who's more of a junkie than you are?"

I kick my side of the counter, "No way in hell! I'm not doing it anymore. Having to worry about whether or not you're gonna come home because you shot your mouth off to the wrong person-- having to go to Tommy and Kevin every five minutes so that I know you're not dead! I don't deserve it. So yeah, Jimmy. I know you're a lost cause, and maybe I thought I could save you once when we were kids. But now?"

"I was scared tonight," I continue, "I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't, and I know the reason you just said all of that bullshit to me is 'cause you were scared that none of us were gonna walk up those stairs alive, and that after they killed us they would have gone after Kevin, Sean, and your mother and you and Tommy wouldn't be there to stop it. But you can't just _say_ that! You have to do this. Be like this. You can't just say that you love all of us more than your own life. Because I know you do, Jim. I know you."

I back up until I'm touching the couch. "I also know that you keep things from me. You think it protects me when you do that, but it doesn't. Tonight was just the beggining-- down in the basement, I can feel it." The physical hurt was paralyzing. It felt like someone was sticking a knife in my heart. My voice broke and it was taking all the strength I had not to start crying again. "That can't happen again, Jimmy. I need you to understand that. I can't-- I won't stand there and watch while someone tries to hurt you like that again. _That's_ what scares me. It has nothing to do with me dying."

I let out a small laugh, realizing the obvious. "Who am I even kidding? It doesn't even matter if I walk out that door right now and never come back. Never speak to you again. We've been together since we were kids. Everyone knows that. It's a disease. This fucking neighborhood and the people in it who just want to kill everything that matters to someone over nothing. It's such bullshit."

It takes him a minute, but he finally gets a word in. "If I said all that-- would it help? Would it make anything better, change anything that's happend?" He balances himself on the counter. "I love you. I love Tommy, Kevin, Seany, and Ma. There. Are you happy now? Anything changed?"

He grabs another beer out of the refridgerator and pops it open. "Really, tell me-- did I fix it? Make it all better? You any safer? Is Seany out of the hospital? Are Huey and Sal still breathing? Words don't mean nothin'. It's what you do, and what you don't do."

I knew that he meant everything he said. Or at least he thought he did. Typical Jimmy. Wrong place, wrong time. "Words may not do anything, Jim. You're right. But they're nice to hear once in awhile. Maybe make the people you say you love not think you're a heartless asshole, you know?"

"I was worried about you, okay? You don't even know. You don't."

I walk back to the counter. "I do know. I felt the same way. When you put your leg on that keg. Jimmy-- everything.."

"Hey." He walks to the other side of the counter and pulls me close to him. "He didn't do it did he? I'm alright."

Hugging me tighter, "Stay here with me tonight, huh? I'll take the couch. I probably won't get any sleep anyway but I really won't if you leave."

I think about it, "Yeah, okay. Fine, I'll stay. I want you to get some sleep. But Jimmy-- no sex. That's not why I'm staying."

He shakes his head and kisses me on the forehead. "No. No sex. Wasn't even thinking about it." _Liar._

I pull back from him, "I mean it, Jimmy. No sex. No begging, either. The door is staying locked."

He does a salute with one hand. "No problem. On my best behavior."

"And I want the good pillow."

His face scrunches up and he groans, "You serious?"

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	9. One Of Those Days

**A/N: **

_italics _flashback**, bold** Joey observations

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I walk the three flights to the Donnellys apartment. I figured since Sean was released from the hospital this morning that Helen needed a break. I decided to bring some food over from the Diner that was sure to last at least three or four days. I stop at the third stair to the top when I hear Tommy say, _"Don't get near my mother or anyone in my family again, do you understand me?"_ Then a man in a leather jacket backs up towards the stairwell. He looked Italian. "The way to avoid that is to pay me my money."

This didn't sound good. Tommy sounds like he's ready to spit nails. "You come here again, I'll kill you."

"You know where to find me, kid." The man says, "Just bring a handful of cash." He turns and starts down the stairs and I recognize him right away. Nicky Cottero.

He winks at me and looks me up and down as he passes by. "I knew it was gonna be a beautiful day today."

Tommy's head snaps in my direction when I reach the top. "That was _you_ he said that to?" He walks two short strides to the top of the stairwell, "Nicky!"

I stop him with my shoulder, "Tommy, don't. Forget about it."

He turns back and starts pacing nervously down the hall. I shift both bags in my arms. "Before you ask me, yeah, I heard most of it."

"He wants money for everyday Louie's not back. He showed up when I was downstairs and was talking to Ma when I came back. Asking her for directions."

That surprised me. As far as I knew, no one ever had the guts to show up at the Donnellys and hassle Helen. Or any of them for that matter. "She alright?"

"Yeah, she didn't even know who he was." He notices the bags. "What are those?"

"Oh, I figured your mother could use some help with food since she's been at the hospital so much with Sean. I brought some stuff over."

"She'd never admit that in a million years, but thanks. I'll take those off your hands." He takes the bags from me and I push the door open.

Helen was in the kitchen and Sean and Kevin were eating breakfast at the table. "What took ya?"

Tommy puts the bags on the counter. "Giving that guy directions. He was all confused. Then this one showed up with food."

Helen gives me a side hug. "Did she now? That was sweet of you. Not neccesary, but sweet."

"Don't worry about it, Ma. Just in case you need something extra the next few days." I glance over at Tommy and he shakes his head at me. I guess he wasn't going to fill Helen in on the situation with Nicky. They all tended to leave her out of everything. I for one thought she could handle it.

Kevin stands up with his cereal bowl in hand and peeks inside the bag. "What'd you bring me, Mad?"

I slap the top of his hand. "Sean has dibs. He was the one in the hospital not you. You've got cereal."

Kevin rubs his hand. "That hurt." He looks at Helen, falling back in the chair. "And you let her just smack me like that?"

She starts putting ingredients in a bowl. "Someone has to. You eat me out of house and home. That's the second damn Lucky Charms box I've bought in a week."

I stick my tongue out at Kevin and take one of the bags to the table and sit next to Sean. "You're gonna love me forever, Seany."

Kevin gets up from his seat and goes into the next room with Tommy, but not before tossling my hair. He ran off before I could retaliate.

Sean's eyes widened when he see's the large blueberry muffins, which I know are his favorite. "You're amazing. Seriously, best future sister-in-law ever."

He kisses me on the cheek and I close my eyes, dreading what came next. This always happend whenever someone brought up Jimmy and I getting married. "When are you two gonna tie the knot already, huh? My Jimmy needs to settle down. Maybe it'll slow him down a little bit. God knows he could use that."

I look down, trying to end this conversation as soon as humanly possible. Sometimes I forget how much in denial Helen really is where Jimmy's concerned. "We haven't really talked about it, Ma. He's been real busy at the bar lately."

"That's an excuse. Married men run bars. He can run a bar and plan a wedding. A summer wedding at the church would be nice."

Sean steps in cautiously. "Maybe they don't want to get married right now, Ma. Lay off a little bit, huh?"

She stares him down. "Eat your cereal and have a muffin. You need to build your strength back up."

I give Sean's arm an appreciative squeeze. I look up when he stands and walks into the room with Tommy and Kevin. Helen looks on, "What's wrong with the boys today? Everyone's on edge."

I shake my head, "I don't know. Must be one of those days. Sean getting out of the hospital and all."

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I had been at the Firecracker all morning helping Jimmy with inventory. Joey showed up an hour ago and all he's done is talk my ear off and watch me stock Whiskey. "Joey, why don't you help me with some of this instead of talking my damn ear off? I'm sick of hearing about this cell phone thing. _I don't care_."

I look over at Jimmy. He'd had his ear glued to that cell phone since I'd gotten there. "It's Jimmy from the office. Your number for the week's four hundred and forty dollars."

I roll my eyes. Tommy was gonna shit twice and die when he found out what Jimmy was doing with collecting for Louie. I still couldn't believe Kevin was going along with it.

Jimmy glances at me as I walk past him to get the rest of the Whiskey in the basement. I didn't pass up the opperturnity to give him the dirtiest look ever. "No, no-- Louie's out of town. I'll be making the payments." He covers the phone, "Joey, I told you before. Help her. She's all pissed off now. You know how she gets."

Joey puts down the shot glass. "Okay, yeah. I'll help. I was writing this stuff down for you."

Jenny comes through the door and walks to the bar. "Joey, seen Tommy?"

I come out of the back with a crate and put it down. Jenny is staring right at Jimmy and looks like she was about ready to kill him. Joey had a blank look on his face. Jimmy on the other hand looked like he was having the time of his life. "I mean the last time Joey here saw you. He was telling me about it. I was upstairs so I missed the big exit. You know it's funny-- sounded to me like you forgot you were married. Does Samson know?"

I look to Jenny. "Since when did you leave with Samson last night?"

Her eyes dart to Joey and then back to Jimmy. "Just tell Tommy I was here, okay?"

She turns to walk to the front door. "I'll be sure to tell Tommy. I mean, Samson. I mean, Tommy."

Obviously I'd missed something. I had no clue what was going on. "Jimmy."

"I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Anyone can make a mistake right?"

And then she was gone. I run out from behind the bar and go outside to try and catch her. "Jenny!" I call, finally catching up.

Everything that was said in the bar was true. Otherewise she wouldn't be crying. She stops walking and leans against a building. I stare at her for a minute, waiting for her to start talking. "I left with Samson last night. We-- God, Mads I screwed up. I screwed up so bad. I slept with him."

My face drops. "Tell me you're kidding."

She shakes her head, "I wish I were. I told him it couldn't go any further, but it still happend, you know? I can't even believe it."

All I could think about what the look on Tommy's face if he ever found out. I don't even think Jenny realizes how much he loves her. "You gonna tell him?"

She didn't answer. If he asked she'd tell him the truth. If not it would stay between us.

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Sunday nights were always the same. I'd come to the bar at around seven and play pool with Jimmy, Kevin, Joey, and sometimes Tommy when he wasn't finishing up an art assignment at the bar. Tonight was no different. Except I was winning for once. It must be my night.

I smack Jimmy with the pool stick when he tries to screw up my shot. "Cut that out, Jimmy!"

He chuckles and grabs me around the waist when I lean down. "Cut what out?"

Kevin makes a face. "Okay, _seriously_. None of that for once? Go upstairs if you're gonna fondle."

Joey nods in agreement. "It's kind of uncomfortable. He's right. Maybe because he hasn't had a girlfriend in-- how long, Kevin?"

Kevin raises his fist. "You want a smack?!"

I grunt loudly and nudge Jimmy harder, and this time he moves. "I'm very serious about this shot."

Kevin finishes his beer, and grabs another from the table. "Since when do you let Mad beat you at pool, Jimmy?"

I take the shot, handing the stick to Joey. I sit next to Kevin. "He's not letting me do anything. I'm winning by myself."

I notice Jimmy looking towards Tommy who's talking to Jenny. She must have just come in. I give her a small nod. Jimmy grabs the stick from Joey, "Screw this. Let's play nine ball." Turning in Tommy's direction, "Tommy, nine ball! Me and you partners, I can't lose again tonight!"

I roll my eyes, motioning for Kevin to grab me a beer. "Jimmy, they need to talk. Just let 'em talk."

Jimmy ignores me, "Tommy, come on!"

Then Jenny screamed at him from across the room. I smiled with Kevin. Jimmy was the only one who could make her yell like that.

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	10. Whitey

**A/N:  
**  
_italics_ flashback, **bold** Joey observations

Sorry the last chapter was so short. They'll get like that when Jimmy doesn't have much airtime/storyline in episodes. This one will definately be longer.

Thanks to everyone who's been leaving reviews. I really appreciate the feedback ;)

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I take the morning muffins out of the oven and spot Tommy sitting across the street holding a box. I actually noticed him half an hour ago when I walked in for my shift. I debated whether or not to cross the street and say something to him, but decided against it. He had that _deep in thought_ look on his face, and if you were smart, you didn't bother him when he looked like that. That only meant one thing-- something happend between him and Jenny. I'd seen that face more times than I could count over the past fifteen years.

To name a few, there was junior high when he would watch Jenny talk on the bus with Brian almost every day. High school when Max asked Jenny to the prom before he got a chance to. And of course who could forget when he found out she was engaged. That was the biggest disappointment of his life. Or at least I imagine it was.

Jenny finally spotted him across the street. She came inside and flipped the sign over to open. I walk to the end of the counter. "He was here when I got here."

She wipes down the cake holder. "Really? Weird."

I toss an apron to her. "That sounded convincing, Jen. You gonna tell me what happend?"

She tied it around her waist. Tommy was crossing the street to the Diner. "Later, okay? He's coming in I think."

I walk out from behind the counter and head towards the back. "I'm gonna make myself scarce. I'll make the inventory list for tomorrow. May as well get a head start."

Smiling sadly, "Thanks. That'll help Dad out. He hasn't been feeling himself these past few days."

Mr. Reilly hadn't been acting himself. Jenny was telling me the other day that he put boxed frozen hamburgers in the oven. Hopefully nothing was wrong with him.

Ten minutes later, I was already done with the list. I walked back out into the front and Jenny passed me with a panicked look. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She shakes her head, heading to the back office. "Everything's good. Keep an eye out front, okay? I've gotta make some calls."

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**"Kevin introducing Jimmy to Whitey was gonna result in one of the most gruesome and violent deaths the neighborhood had ever seen. But what did Kevin know? He was only trying to help. Was Whitey gonna kill Jimmy, or was Jimmy gonna kill Whitey? But the knife fight was later. In the beggining, Jimmy and Whitey looked liked a marriage made in heaven. Of course, Maddie didn't think too much of this new marriage. In fact, she wanted to cut it off by the balls, if you know what I mean. I do mean that literally, by the way."**

"What Jimmy?"

"Nice hello. Still pissed?"

I switched the cell phone to my other ear, crossing the street. "Pissed, no. Annoyed, yes. You and Joey left me with all that inventory yesterday."

"I said I was sorry about that last night when I came back. Listen, remember the numbers on Louie's phone I was trying to figure out?"

I unlock my front door and throw the keys on the table. "Yeah, you wouldn't shutup about it. Look, is there a point to this conversation, because I've gotta sort through two weeks worth of dirty laundry?" I stop in the hallway. This conversation suddenly seemed familiar. "You're in jail aren't you? Jimmy, I swear to God--"

"Why is it whenever I call you-- know what? Forget it. I'm not in jail. I'm with Kevin. We're on our way over to your place."

I take two full hampers out of my closet and throw them on the bed. "Because--?"

Whitey points to himself and Jimmy waves him off. "Want to make two hundred bucks a week?"

That was a bad sign. "I don't know, do I?"

"We just have to use your apartment. You don't have to do anything-- just ignore us and do whatever. We won't be in your way, promise."

I roll my eyes, thinking about it. "Yeah, okay. But Jim, no screwing around. Tell Kevin I said so. He leaves a trail over here whenever he comes over."

"Tell him yourself. We're coming up now."

I hang up the phone and make a mental note to hide the Lucky Charms when Kevin isn't looking.

--------------------------------------------------

It happend so fast I couldn't have stopped it if I'd wanted to. _In order of appearance..._ Jimmy kisses me and rushes into the apartment, some creepy guy I'd never met passes by carrying two laptops, and Kevin follows him inside, after he asks me if I have anything to eat besides Fig Newtons. I hate that the Donnelly brothers know me so well. I try to ask Jimmy who the guy is, but he's already in the living room helping set up.

I finally get him cornered. "Who the hell is he? You said you and Kevin were coming over. You never said anything about whats-his-name."

"His name's Whitey and he's one of Kevin's friends. He's helping us out."

"I don't care what his name is. He gives me the creeps. I want him out."

"What the hell do you mean he creeps you out? The guy hasn't said one word to you. Anyway, you can't change your mind. We already stole everything."

"Excuse me? You don't live here, remember? So you keep reminding me. You should have told me about him before I agreed to anything. I don't like this thing with collecting Louie Downtown's bets either. I want out of it. I don't want any part of it."

He shakes his head, putting both hands on my shoulders. "Baby, you're not in anything. All we're doing is conducting business in your apartment. That's it."

I shrug him off. "No, that's not it. Not even close. I'm telling you, I don't like this guy. How does Kevin even know him?"

Jimmy grabs an apple from the counter. "Who cares? He knows how to make book."

Yeah, Whitey was a really nice guy. A real Prince Charming. So nice that when Jimmy and Kevin stepped out for a minute to talk, he helped himself to a little sneak peek down my shirt when he offered to explain _exactly_ what he was doing on the laptop. He also called Jimmy a gimp. But everyone did that. Not to his face of course. For some reason, I took both things worse than I usually do.

Jimmy ducks when the coffee cup smashes against the front door. "Whoa! What the hell's goin' on?!"

I clutch another cup in my hand. I try to stop myself from swaying back and forth. This only happend when I was really pissed. "I'll tell you what's goin' on. Your new friend over here's a fucking pervert! The whole time you're out there he won't stop staring down my shirt! Four times I caught him doing it, and that's only when I caught him."

Whitey is hiding behind the enterance to the kitchen. "I wasn't doing anything!"

"You were staring at her chest, Whitey?"

Whitey shakes his head, throwing up his hands. "Jimmy, no. Jesus-- I know this is your girl. You told me that coming up here. I'd have to be out of my mind!"

I should have decked him after I got off the couch. At least then maybe he would have just left instead of trying to lie his way out of it. "Lying piece of shit! Get out of my apartment! Jimmy, I want him out now! I swear I'll throw you both out if I have to." I turn to Whitey. "You know what you did you little son of a bitch!"

Jimmy puts a hand up, and steps between me and Whitey. "Maddie, hey! Stop yelling, alright? Relax."

"You're seriously taking this asshole's side over mine?! You've known him less than twenty-four hours, Jimmy!"

"Baby, I'm not taking anyone's side, I'm trying to figure out what's going on. I come in here and you're throwin' things! That's all I know."

"I want him out of here now! I'm not gonna say it again, Jim."

"No one's going anywhere-- just stop! Everyone."

He turns back to Whitey. "Now Whitey, were you checking her out or not? Just set it straight."

Whitey's eyes flicker from me to Jimmy nervously. "I wasn't. She's a beautiful girl, don't get me wrong--"

I cut him off. "Beautiful girl my ass! Jimmy--"

Whitey continues, "--but no. I wasn't. I'm still confused how this even got started. I was just sitting there and she went off on me. Maybe she saw something I didn't."

Jimmy turns back to me. Fuck. He believed him. "He says he wasn't staring at your act, Mad. Maybe you made a mistake?"

This was unbelieveable. I was pulling out the big guns now. "So, it was a _mistake_ when I heard him call you a gimp?"

He turns back, "You do that, Whitey?"

Whitey looks at him wide-eyed. "Come on, Jimmy! She doesn't like me. She's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I walked in here. I don't know why. Maybe I remind her of an ex-boyfriend she used to have or something. I don't know."

Jimmy steps closer to him and puts a finger in his face. "Watch your mouth. I'm the only ex she's ever had."

I roll my eyes. _Yeah, that was what he thought. I knew differently._

"Now, you sure you didn't say that, Whitey? Because people say that about me behind my back all the time. Never bothered me then and it don't bother me now. I know I've got a limp. It's not a big deal."

I spoke over them. "I'm not deaf. He called you a gimp. I was right here."

Whitey stammers, "Jimmy, I swear. I didn't do--" He ducks when the other coffee cup flies towards his head.

As it shatters on the front door, I yell, "You're a lying piece of shit!"

"Mad, no more throwing cups across the room! No more screaming, that's it! Stop!"

I angerly cross my arms over my chest, and back up to the counter. "I can't believe you believe a piece of trash like that over me."

He puts his arms on either side of me. "Mad, he's my new business associate. I explained to him who you were before we got here. If the scumbag was checking you out inappropriately he'd tell me. Right, Whitey?"

Whitey nods quickly. "Right, yes. Definately. Absolutely."

The cell phone rang and they left together right after the phone call.

For the next few days, Jimmy let me know when they were going to be in the apartment so I could make it a point not to be there.

Hey, it was better than Jimmy doing business out of the bar, getting caught, and going to jail. I'd just have to bail him out. Tommy sure as hell wasn't gonna do it, and Kevin would probably be in there _with_ him.

--------------------------------------------------

I inched closer toward the Firecracker and when I looked up Tommy was crossing the street with a large bundle of money in his hand. I stop in front of the door and wait for him. I ask sarcastically, "Do I even want to ask?"

He runs a hand through his hair, opening the door for me. "Jimmy and Kevin."

That was all he had to say. Then my expression went sour. That scumbag Whitey was the first thing, well the only thing, I saw when I walked inside. I pass him and shoot a death glare he doesn't dare meet. He hadn't picked his head up since I walked in. I reach Jimmy and kiss him. "What the hell's he doing here?"

He runs his hand down my hair, and drapes an arm over my shoulder. "He'll be gone in awhile. I thought you were coming by earlier? I called you like five times."

Kevin looks up from his beer and laughs. Whitey pipes in. "Five times? Since when are you clingy?" They were obviously drunk. Big surprise.

Jimmy smacks Kevin on the back of the head. "Shut it."

Tommy slams the money down on the bar. Jimmy smiles, unhooking his arm from my shoulder. "Look at you!"

Tommy looks away from him, as if he's somewhere else. "I want a cut."

I look up from making myself a drink next to Joey when he tells Jimmy he wants half. It had to be for Jenny and her Dad. Unless he was in some kind of trouble which was unlikely. Without arguement, Jimmy hands it over and Tommy turns to leave. "See ya, Tom." He nods at me and keeps going.

Whitey gives me a once over and again Jimmy is clueless. I roll my eyes and turn around to try and find the Whiskey that I like on the shelf. If I was going to be oogled by some guy I couldn't stand in front of my boyfriend, I was going to be drunk. He turns to Jimmy, slurring his words. "Dude what's the deal with this _jerk_? Why we lettin' him get away with this?" Then to Kevin, "You let him get away with that?"

Kevin waves him off, draining his drink. I reach higher trying to get to the bottle. _Just my luck_. _I knew I should have worn the higher jeans_. "Jimmy, will you tell your friend Joey over here to get me a stool? I've asked him six times and it's not registerin'."

Joey pulls down the lever of the keg, refilling his drink. "I heard you, Mad. Still don't know where it's at. Kevin had it last."

"I put it in the store room--" Kevin stops mid-sentence and so does Jimmy after he starts arguing with him about the location of the stool. Their eyes were on the same image. Whitey's drunken, lazy eyes directly on my ass. And no, I did not plan this. Not completely anyway. _But if I did, it worked like a charm._

Joey even got quiet. I am still trying to reach the bottle. I turn my head after a few seconds when I notice no one is talking. Jimmy shatters his glass over Whitey's head and he falls to the floor instantly. Kevin chucks not one, but two glasses and they shatter. Then Joey does the same from behind the bar, which surprises me.

Whitey is crumpled in a ball on the floor, trying to shield himself. "Jesus! What the hell'd you nuts do _that_ for?!"

Jimmy stands up and kicks him hard in the stomach. I jump a little. I was not expecting that. My assumption that Jimmy would just kick him out was wrong. Whitey turns away and coughs from the pain. Jimmy walks to the storeroom and hands over the small stool to me. He shurgs, meeting my wide eyes. "Okay?" All I could do was smile. He had admitted I was right in his own twisted way. He tucks a few of my curls behind my ear and calmly returns to his seat.

I look over, and to my surprise, it isn't over yet. Kevin is standing over Whitey with his foot pressed against his throat. Not hard, but hard enough. I wasn't about to do anything to stop it either. I was happily enjoying it. "Let me ask you a question. I know you can't talk so just nod or shake your head. You look at your sister like that?"

Whitey slowly shakes his head the best he can. "You don't, huh? Well, guess what? When you're here with us or anywhere else for that matter, that's what she is. Here's a tip limp dick. Next time you see her show a little respect, and if you get the urge to look at anything other than her face, think about my foot choking you to death and two others being shoved up your ass. Got it?"

Jimmy glances back at Kevin and he eases his foot off. Whitey starts to get up, but Jimmy shakes his head. "No, stay down there for awhile. Cool off. You're lucky it was him and not me. I wouldn't have bothered trying to choke you. I woulda' just blown your head off and make it look like an accident."

He slumps back down, afraid to move. "Joey get me another beer, and get Whitey a towel. He's bleedin' all over my floor." To Kevin, "I had him you know."

He shrugs, "Don't worry about it. I felt like doing it." Glancing at me, "He deserved it, anyway."

Jimmy starts laughing. "You know it would be hard as hell to choke somebody to death with your foot, right?"

He looks down at the bar. "Well-- yeah. I mean, yeah. I just said that."

I lean over the bar and give Kevin and then Jimmy a quick kiss on the cheek. "It's the thought that counts."

Joey looks disappointed. "What about me? I threw a glass at him too."

Jimmy glares at him. "Will you shutup and pour me my beer, please?"

**"Me? I wasn't afflicted with the help disease like Tommy was, and I certainly wasn't as dumb as that idiot to stare at Maddie's assett like that-- in front of Jimmy no less. I don't care if he was drunk off his ass. Anyone that dumb deserves to have more done to 'em than glasses smashed over their heads. So, I let Whitey stew a bit. Oh, and stopping Jimmy from killing Whitey wasn't the only reason Kevin stepped in and threatened him. But that comes later, too.."**


	11. I'll Always Show At The Worst Time

**A/N:**

_italics_ flashback, **bold** Joey observations

Don't worry about the future of this fic. It will continue, despite NBC's dumb decision to have the TBD episodes only be online from now on ;)

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I yawn and open my eyes to blaring sunlight. It takes me a few minutes to remember where I am. Jimmy's apartment. I smile. We usually always stay at my place, but things were going particularly well for us since yesterday and we definately did not hide it in the bedroom. I close my eyes, groaning. The soreness below the waist was killing me, but so worth it.

I had two days off in a row from the Diner and promised Jimmy I'd help him paint the bar. Joey was going to be helping too, but I wasn't expecting him to do anything but complain about when they'd be finished. I actually wanted to do it. Painting was always fun for me for some reason.

I stand up and stretch and slip off Jimmy's three sizes too large t-shirt, but not before putting it up to my nose. It still smelled like him. This was when I knew things were good between us. When I could still smile at the way his shirt smelled. My smile quickly fades, and I throw the shirt into the hamper. I didn't want to jinx anything.

I start walking into the bathroom when I hear someone walk into the room. I whip around and cover myself. First instinct. Kevin is standing there with his mouth open. I stare at him for a few seconds and awkwardly look away from him. "Kevin, what are you doing in here?"

His head snaps away from my naked body. "Umm-- yeah. I'm-- uhh.. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were-- you know."

I take the comforter off the bed and wrap it around me so no body parts are showing. "Safe to turn back around now."

He doesn't move. "You're-- covered, right? You're decent?"

I roll my eyes. "No, I'm still naked. It's a ploy to flash you again."

He turns back around and his eyes are on the floor. "Sorry. Jimmy wanted me to come up and see when you were coming down."

I smile and walk into the bathroom. "Joey isn't doing anything, I'm guessin'?"

"No, he's doing stuff. He's just gettin' on Jimmy's nerves. Plus, they got the wrong paint."

I stick my head out of the doorway. "Green instead of Clover?"

Kevin nods, looking up now. I was in my normal clothes again. I shake my head. "See, I told him to take me instead of Joey. Idiots."

I walk back out into the bedroom and run a brush through my hair. I look up when I notice Kevin is still standing there. "He want you to tell me anything else?"

He quickly shakes his head, turning to leave. "No, no. That's it. I've gotta get goin' anyway. I have to collect from this guy Newton by two-thirty or Whitey's Uncle Bob's probably gonna kill all of us. Or just brand me and Jimmy with his waffle machine.. or whatever the hell it is." He runs his hands over his face. "Neither of those sound like alot of fun."

I look at him worriedly. "You serious? Kevin, you're gonna find this guy who owes the money, right? You know where he is."

Kevin gives me a strange look. He was acting like he knew exactly where he was, but he wouldn't be able to get the money. "I know where he is, but it's complicated."

I inch closer to him. He looked like he had a million things going through his head. "Tommy going with you?"

He shakes his head. "No. I'm going alone. I can do it. I just-- you know.."

I had no idea what was going on, but the least I could do was offer to help. "I'll come with if you want. Jimmy can do without me until three."

He raises his voice. "I don't need anyone to come with me! Jesus, what _is_ it with everybody always thinkin' I can't do anything by myself?"

He steps back a little and takes a deep breath. I put my hand on his arm. "Kevin, I didn't mean it like that. You just look nervous." I smile, "And I can be really persuasive."

He smiles back at me shyly. "Yeah, I know you can. I was there when you bought the beer for me and Seany when I was sixteen. I know how _persuasive_ you can be."

I smack him in the shoulder and laugh. "Okay, that is not fair! You guys begged me!"

He rolls his eyes. "Uh huh."

I throw a pillow at his head from the bed. "You did too! You knew I couldn't say no to Sean. That's why you put him up to it."

He catches it after it hits his face and throws it back at me. I look over his shoulder and Jimmy is standing in the doorway with a brush in his hand. "Kevin, you leavin' anytime this century? Come on, you've got to be back here by two-thirty. I'm not dealing with Uncle Bob just because you can't collect ten fucking grand."

Without saying another word, Kevin shuffles past Jimmy. I straighten the pillows. "What the hell were you guys doing? I could hear you all the way downstairs."

I shrug, "Just having a few laughs. You didn't have to yell at him like that. He's nervous enough as it is about collecting that money."

He walks over to the dresser and changes his shirt. "It's ten grand! What the hell's he so worried about? He said he knew the guy."

"I don't know, Jimmy. I just know he looked worried is all. Maybe you should ask Tommy to go with him?"

He glances back at me. "What for?"

I pull the sheet up on the bed and tuck in the corners. "I don't know. Forget it."

He comes up from behind me and wraps his arms around my stomach. I smile. "Go paint the bar."

"You know, I don't think I've seen somebody actually look sexy makin' a bed." He nibbles on my ear. _Not fair. I love it when he does that._

He takes my shirt off and kisses my neck. Through a moan, "Jimmy you said we had to--"

I turn around and we lower down to the bed. "Joey can handle things. We've got a few minutes."

I should only have been thinking about Jimmy, but I wasn't. I just hoped that Kevin got that money before all hell broke loose.

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I'd been painting for almost two hours and Joey and Jimmy wouldn't stop fighting. They'd been at eachother's throats since we came back downstairs.

Joey throws the trim brush down on the table. "I told you I use the trim brush! It's easier. The bigger brushes are too heavy, Jimmy. What do you want?"

Jimmy puts his hands on top of his head. "How many times have I gotta tell ya? You can't use the trim brush. The strokes are too narrow."

Joey looks at the door, cocking his head to the side. "It looks fine to me. It's perfect. Look at that. You could put it in a magazine."

Jimmy shoves the large brush in his face. "Use the bigger brush or I'll knock all your teeth out. How's that?"

I step in between them, putting both hands on Jimmy's chest. "Cut it out. Both of you." I turn to Joey, "Just use the bigger brush, Joe. Please?"

He rolls his eyes, and snatches it from Jimmy. "See how I respond when someone isn't hollerin' at me?"

Jimmy tries to step towards him to beat him senseless but I pull his arm in the opposite direction. "Ah, ah, ah.. not a good idea. Come on."

He takes a deep breath and mumbles, "I'll holler at him all I want in _my_ fuckin' bar."

I glance behind him and see Sean walk in. I smile at him. "Hey Sean."

He nods at me and asks Jimmy to talk. "Yeah Seany, hold on a sec." He turns back to me, "Watch him. I don't even know what the hell his problem is today. He's gone special needs on me."

"Yeah, Jimmy I can hear everything you're saying." Joey says, still painting.

I continue to paint when Jimmy comes back from talking to Sean. He drapes his arms around my neck. "Me and Seany are gonna go buy a jukebox. Coming with?"

I turn around and face him. "A jukebox? Why?"

"Sean's idea. He's my new beverage manager."

I laugh, "You're Ma's gonna love that. What happend to going back to school?"

Jimmy pulls me to the side. "I figure he'll get bored with this and go back. He came in here talkin' crazy shit about Ma driving him nuts-- moving out of the apartment-- working for Dokie if I won't give him a job. What was I supposed to say? Beverage manager's all I could think of. No way in hell he's working for Dokie. Not while I'm above ground."

Joey steps in, "So you guy's are taking off? What about me?"

Jimmy takes my hand and we head to the front door. "Someone's gotta stay here and paint. Door's almost done anyway. We'll be back."

--------------------------------------------------

I lean against the jukebox, trying not to laugh at Sean's blatant attempt to get the salegirl's number. Maybe he would actually talk her into _giving_ us the jukebox instead of having to pay for it. Could he be anymore obvious?

I look out the store window at Jimmy talking to Whitey. They'd been out there for almost ten minutes talking frantically back and forth and both using their cell phones. Something had to have gone wrong with Kevin and the money. Tommy was with him. It couldn't be that bad.

Whitey walks away and Jimmy starts pacing. I walk outside and stare at him. He's leaning against the window. "What happend with Kevin?"

"He didn't show with the money. That's what happend with Kevin! Damn it."

I move next to him. "I thought you said that Tommy went with him to collect?"

He scoffs, and roughly runs a hand through his hair. "Alot of good that did. He can't even babysit Kevin. Who can't babysit Kevin? Easiest job in the whole damn world. Hold his hand, feed him, and keep him on a short leash. How hard is that?"

I roll my eyes. "Don't blame it on Tommy. Maybe the Newton guy just wasn't home."

He looks up at me and his expression is emotionless. I watch as the muscles in his jaw start to twitch. "What did Whitey say?"

He looks down at the ground. "Don't worry about it. It's not important. It'll work itself out."

I stand in front of him. "You didn't answer my question. What did Whitey say?"

He looks up at me, furious. "Why do you always wanna know everything, huh?! What do you want from me?"

I close my eyes briefly and take a few steps back from him. "Whitey's Uncle, right? He's gonna kill you for not getting that money?"

He nods and adds sarcastically, "You guessed it. Sucks, don't it? What I get for trusting Tommy and Kevin to do anything."

I walk away from him down the sidewalk. I don't know what bothered me more. The fact that he was stupid enough to get involved in this collecting scheme with Whitey in the first place or that he was actually making fun of this whole situation that would probably end up getting he and Kevin killed. He pushes off the wall and follows. "Where the hell are you goin'?"

I don't answer him. He rushes up to me and grabs the back of my arm. "Hey!"

I shrug him off and whip around. "Hey, what?! I can't believe you were actually about to lie to me about something like this!"

"What the hell are you talking about? I wasn't gonna lie to you. I was--"

I stop him. "No! You were." I put my hand on my forehead. "After the other night-- you still don't learn do you? You _never_ do."

"Whitey wants me to come with him to talk to his Uncle tonight."

My face contorts and I turn around, hands on my head. "And you're seriously dumb enough to go?! Jimmy, he'll kill you! The guy's a nut job, you said it yourself."

He puts his hands firmly on my shoulders. "Look at me. I've been up against tougher guys than Bob The Mouth. No one's killing anybody."

I shake my head. "I don't trust Whitey farther than I can throw him, Jimmy. He's setting you up! I can't believe you can't see that! I'm goin' with you and Sean. You're taking Sean, aren't you? As a lookout?"

The look on his face told me that there was no way in hell he was letting me go. He had that half-annoyed, half-protective look he got sometimes when I asked him for things he really didn't want to do, because he knew something horrible was about to happen.

He removes his hands and chuckles slightly. "What's the point in askin' me questions if you already know what I'm gonna say? No way in hell you're gettin' within a hundred feet of that place. That's it! End of discussion."

I give him a fake smile. "Okay, you know what I say to that? Fuck you, I'm coming with you guys whether you like it or not."

He's an inch away from my face now. "Maddie, you're not coming. Understand? Don't do this to me right now."

The fight went on like that for the next several minutes, until Sean pulled himself out of the salesgirl's ass, and decided to intervene. Long story short, I walked off pissed as hell, and Jimmy and Sean went on their merry way with a new jukebox that they didn't have to pay for. He had said no. There was no way I was going and that was it. It was too dangerous and I would just do something to fuck it up. Plus, he'd just be worrying about me the whole time and he couldn't concentrate.

Short version? I didn't agree.

---------------------------------------------------

**"Wait a minute-- stop! So you're telling us that Jimmy Donnelly killed Robert Kelley, and the girlfriend and Sean Donnelly were witnesses?" **

**"Actually I'm not saying that. I can't even tell you how what happend happend next or even why. But I can tell you what happend. Jimmy and Whitey went up to see Uncle Bob and they left Sean outside as a lookout to keep him out of harm's way. The next thing was a little unexpected to say the least.."**

I watch from behind the street corner. Sean was standing in front of the building by a parked car. I debated for about an hour before I got the guts to follow Jimmy, Whitey, and Sean the six blocks to the building from the Firecracker. I was freezing my ass off and had forgotten my coat-- yet again. It wasn't supposed to be this cold in April.

I realize that my body is too noticeable when Sean jerks his head in my direction. I quickly duck back behind the corner and a girl passes by me. She looks back at me strangely and I give her an innocent smile, trying to seem like I was doing something semi-normal. I turn back to see what's going on when someone steps in front of me.

I jump back when said someone's hand grabs my wrist. "What the hell are you doing out here?"

My heart slows when I see Sean. I lean against the wall. "Seany-- hey. What are you doing out here? I was just walking by. Funny."

He smiles, but tries to stay serious. "You shouldn't have followed us. That was stupid-- especially around here at this time of night."

I look around, and notice for the first time what a bad area it actually was. "I told Jimmy I was coming."

"He told you not to though."

I knew how to get to Sean. It was the same way with all of the Donnelly brothers. "Look, I'm not leaving. If you go back over there without me, I'm just gonna stand here, and if something happens to me it's gonna be all your fault, and you're gonna have to live with that for the--"

Sean holds up a hand, "Okay, alright. I'll play Kevin for the night. Come on."

He takes my hand, and we cross the street, and wait in front of the building. "How long did he say they'd be?"

He shakes his head, "He didn't. He just told me the stand here and if something happens to--"

Before Sean could finish his sentence, I feel his arms instinctively shield my body, and push me back, and a huge smashing sound. I push his arms down and stare at the sight in front of us.

_Bob The Mouth._ What do you know? Jimmy cheats death again.

--------------------------------------------------

I open my eyes slightly when I hear my front door close. I look over at the clock. _2:30 a.m._

After a few seconds, I feel his body press against me from behind, and his arm rest on top. He looks over my shoulder and scans my face and body. Kissing my arm, "You okay?"

He knew I had been there. I wasn't going to try and hide it from him. "No permanent damage."

I shift to my back and he lies back on the pillow. "Sean was worried about you after he walked you home. That was the only reason he told me."

I roll my eyes. That wasn't the reason. Maybe he was a little worried, but Sean knew me. He knew that all I cared about was that Jimmy got out alive. It was that he hated lying to him. "I told you I was comin' with you, and I came. I belonged there. I did what I thought was best."

He looks up at the ceiling and stays quiet for awhile. I turn his cheek towards me. "Don't be mad, okay? This once?"

He runs a hand through my hair. "I'm not mad, Maddie. I'm just wonderin' if you're ever gonna just shutup, trust me, and do what I tell you."

I smile and enlace his hand with mine. "Jimmy, I'd trust you with my life any day of the week. But the shutting up and doing what you tell me part? Not likely, no."

He doesn't smile back. He's staring at me seriously. It felt like we were back in the basement of the Firecracker. "I need you to listen to me. I'm building a business, and sometimes it's gonna get messy like it did tonight, and like it's been gettin' lately."

I nod, inching my body towards his. "I know all that."

"I can't do what I have to do in the right way if I'm worryin' where you're gonna pop up every second. I can't do it. It's too much."

I groan, "Jimmy, it was _one_ time."

"Maddie, it's not and you know it. I want you in one piece more than I love who you are, you know?"

I kiss him and lay my head on his chest. "I can't promise that I won't show up, Jimmy. It's instinct. You'd do the same if our roles were reversed."

**"In that moment of what Maddie thought was bliss, Jimmy was coming up with a plan of his own to keep her safe by any means necessary. If he couldn't keep her from showing up when the heat was on, he'd get someone else to do it for him-- to be her shadow really. Remember when I mentioned that things got rocky between them? Believe it or not, that hasn't happend yet. Mere child's play. This is when it happend.. Jimmy and his thinking.." **

--------------------------------------------------


	12. Fifteen Years of Wasteland

** A/N:**

_italics_ flashback, **bold** Joey observations

For storyline purposes, I am axeing the whole Jimmy/Jenny history, meaning he never liked her when they were kids. It wouldn't make sense since Maddie and Jimmy got together after the accident, and on the show, that's when he started liking Jenny. So, the episode I am writing for will be a bit different, but with the same gist more or less. Hope everyone's cool with that.

**Warning:** I know most of you are of age because of the nature of the show, but there are some major drug references towards to end. Read at your own risk.

--------------------------------------------------

The past few days since Bob The Mouth had been sort of strange. I'd barely seen Jimmy. He was always either out with Whitey collecting or at the Firecracker tending bar. They had suddenly gotten a lunch rush, which _never_ happend. Sean was hard at work as beverage manager and business was picking up. Both good things. Especially since Helen hadn't found out about Sean's new job yet. They'd all been dodging her calls to the bar looking for him. It was only a matter of time before that ship would sail.

But that wasn't the strange part. Since the night of Bob The Mouth, everytime I turn around, Kevin was there. Three days this week I've come out from the back room, and there he is ordering a sandwich from Jenny. He never came to the Diner to eat anymore. He always ate at home or at the Firecracker. And he wouldn't just eat. He'd eat, then stay for an hour, sometimes even longer than that, and talk my ear off about meaningless crap. Sure, I liked having Kevin around. We always had good laughs. But something didn't seem right.

Today was no different. Mr. Reilly hadn't been feeling well the past few days, and me and Jenny were pretty much running the Diner by ourselves. At lunchtime on the weekdays that wasn't exactly an easy job. Seemed like the whole neighborhood would drop by in the course of a few hours.

I pour a customer a drink and turn to see Kevin sitting at the opposite end of the counter. I walk towards him and adjust my apron. "You must really like the turkey sandwiches."

He hands me the menu. "I'll try the roast beef on sourdough."

I raise an eyebrow, and take the menu from him. "Living life dangerously."

My eyes move to the end of the counter when I hear a familiar voice. Dokie Farrell slides papers across the counter to Mr. Reilly. I turn around and walk over to Jenny. "Your Pop didn't tell him you don't need his help?"

She shakes her head, "Didn't get a chance to. He was gonna go later today when we weren't as busy."

Jenny continues watching them and serving customers. I move back down to Kevin and put the sandwich in front of him. "What's going on with Mr. Reilly and Dokie?"

"He asked for his help and forgot to mention that he got help somewhere else."

Kevin chuckles, taking a bite. "Dumb move. Good luck to him. He's gonna need it."

I lean on the counter. "Your Ma called me this morning askin' if I'd seen Sean. I said no. You might want to mention to him that I don't like lying to her."

He nods. "She's been doing that alot the past few days. Doesn't know about the beverage manager thing yet. It's really gonna piss her off. She wants him to go back to school."

"That's what he should be doing. Jimmy shouldn't have offered him the job in the first place."

He shakes his head. "I'll tell you something right now, he's driving me nuts with this beverage manager crap-- telling me what to do every five minutes. Go down to the basement and get this, go to the corner store and get that. All day long he's bitching in my ear. That's why I'm not eating over there. Had to get away from him and Joey for awhile."

I pour another customer a drink and turn back to him. "Jimmy out with Whitey collecting?"

He glances up at me, and then back down at the sandwich like he was trying to figure out what to say. "I don't know. Probably. He wasn't there when I came in. He's been working alot lately. Lots of welchers late on their payments."

I notice Louie Downtown's phone sitting on the counter. I pick it up. "I thought you were gonna toss this?"

He takes it back from me. "I am-- haven't gotten around to it."

I roll my eyes. "Uh huh."

Jenny calls Kevin's name from the other end. He had a phone call. After he hangs up five seconds later, he walks back to the seat and puts money on the table. "Tommy. I've got to go. Thanks for the sandwich."

"Everything alright?" I ask.

He nods. "Friendly game of softball."

--------------------------------------------------

It was almost five and I had half an hour until the end of my shift. I was planning on going to see Jimmy at the Firecracker after I left. Hopefully I'd catch him this time.

I head to the back to grab some fresh towels. When I come back a few minutes later, I almost drop them in a heap on the floor. Jimmy's fist connects with Mr. Reilly's nose and the old man falls back into the shelves, and drops to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Jimmy obviously didn't realize I was standing in the doorway, because he opened the register, took money out, and bolted out the front door without looking back.

I don't move as I watch Jimmy continue down the sidewalk alongside Whitey, who was waiting for him outside. I didn't know what to think. Mr. Reilly said something, obviously in pain, and Jenny pushed past me to get to him. He leans his head back and blood starts running down his entire face.

Jenny looks back at me with a confused look on her face. Her face was red with anger. "What the hell did Jimmy hit him for?!"

I shake my head at her as all of her questions start running together in my head. When I open my mouth to respond, she's already out the door.

I run after her and as soon as I open the front door, she tackles Jimmy to the ground and starts beating him furosiously with her fists. "Jenny!" I shout, jogging towards them.

She screams, "Are you fucking crazy?! You hit my father you dopehead! Give it back! Give me the money, Jimmy! Give it to me!"

Whitey pulls her off of him. I shove him hard. "Get off of her!" He releases her and takes a few steps back.

Jimmy slowly gets up, trying to collect himself. I take a good look at him and realize why she'd used that particular word. His eyes were glazed over and bloodshot, and he looked like death. No wonder I hadn't seen him in days. Jenny steps towards him again, panting for breath. "I want it back, I want the money back!"

I stand next to Jenny and glance over at him. "He's gonna give you every cent back." I put a hand on her arm, and she angirly shrugs me off.

Jimmy shakes his head. "Jenny--"

"Since when do you run the neighborhood?! No one's ever taken money from us! Not even Huey. We're not giving you a nickel! Not ever!"

His eyes twitch and he is barely standing up straight. "Wake up, somebody _always_ gets paid! From now on it's gonna be me!"

Jenny is staring at him with wide eyes, and I'm doing the same. Neither of us can believe what we're seeing or hearing. He was like a completely different person. Whitey was standing to the side, eyes on the pavement, and even looked slightly scared of him. He motions for Whitey to follow him. "Let's go. We've got to be seven blocks over in fifteen."

Jenny huffs past me and goes back inside. I watch him walk away with Whitey without so much as a glance back at me.

--------------------------------------------------

When I thought things couldn't get any worse, I was wrong. I reach to open the door to the Firecracker when Jenny rushes past me. I turn to talk to her, but she wouldn't even look at me. I walk inside and Kevin and Sean are holding Tommy and Jimmy back from eachother.

Tommy shakes them off of him and stares Jimmy down. "How could you do that to Jenny?! For Christ sake, Jimmy! You've known her all your life. What the hell's wrong with you?!"

Jimmy smiles, backing away from Kevin, who is standing between them. He glances at me over Jimmy's shoulder. "It was easy."

Tommy has a sad look on his face. "Don't you care about anybody anymore?"

"That's right, Tommy. I forgot. You care about everybody. You're the savior, I'm the scumbag, right?! You keep telling yourself that." Jimmy shouts at him, slurring his words.

Then Tommy says something I never thought I'd hear any of them say. That he was ashamed of him. The worst part was that Jimmy acted like he didn't care. Like it meant nothing to him that not only Tommy, but Sean passed by me out the door, and left him alone. Kevin was the only one who looked like he was thinking about staying behind.

Jimmy lifts a shot glass at the end of the bar. "Who wants a drink? I could use one right about now."

Kevin lets out a deep sigh and walks towards the front door. "He needs to sleep it off. Come on, I'll buy you a drink."

I shake my head, holding back tears. "I'll come find you after."

He nods and continues out the door. I walk to the other end of the bar. Jimmy's already finished two whole shots and is pouring himself a third. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He'd done crazy shit before when he was on the drugs, but never anything like this. There were no words I could say.

He slams the now-empty shot glass down and pulls the bottle up onto the counter to pour another. I knock it off before he can touch it again. He looks up at me, laughing. "Look at you, Xena Warrior Princess. You're not the only one who can throw things. See?" He throws the shot glass across the room.

I don't take my eyes off of him. He looked so empty. Like someone had ripped out a part of him. He leans towards me and his hands run up the sleeves of my jacket to my shirt underneathe. "Why don't we go upstairs and I can see what you've got on underneathe here?" His hand goes under my shirt and circles my breast. I try and push him off, but he does the same thing again. "Don't touch me, Jimmy."

He chuckles, "Oh, okay. Isn't that what you said a few night ago? Or was it the other way around? I forget."

He places his hand behind my neck and tries to pull me down to kiss him, and I shove him harder. "I said don't fuckin' touch me!"

He puts his hands up in surrender and still hasn't stopped laughing. "Officer, I swear she said she was legal. I didn't do nothin'."

I wipe away a fresh tear from my cheek. I was amazed at how hurt I was. He could barely say anything at all and make me feel like this. Like there was no hope for either of us. "Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? Looks like you should be face up in a coffin."

He takes out yet another bottle from the bar, and fills the shot glass. "No, I haven't. Sorry if that upsets you. Didn't know you cared so much about appearances."

I rub my wrist and try to stay calm. I could never seem to _not_ fight with him when he was like this. "Do you want to die _that_ badly?"

He reaches over the bar for something, and pulls out a shoe box. He throws the top off and dumps out the contents. His supply of needles, saline bottles, and white powder in baggies spill out all over the counter between us. "What does it look like?"

I close my eyes briefly and look away. There was the hurt again. I couldn't stand to look at the objects for more than a few seconds. The small objects that were going to kill him if Nicky Cottero, Dokie Farrell, or someone else didn't beat them to it. Objects that I hated more than I hated him.

I find myself wondering how far gone he really was. From what I had overheard earlier, Tommy thought he was beyond saving. Wanting to test that theory, I hesitantly pick up the needle and fill it with the drugs from the small bottle. I pull up my sleeve and turn my arm over. "How do I do this? Just find a vein and stick it in?"

He leans towards me and nods, picking up the belt from the floor that had dropped. "Use this. You don't use it, you'll end up sticking yourself over and over. Hurts like hell."

I take the belt and stare down at it in my hand. I had my answer. How pathetic was I? Watching him punch out Jenny's father, two people he'd known all his life, wasn't enough to convince me? A part of me believed I was as far gone as he was. He moves two seats over, so that he's next to me, and slips my jacket off. He takes the belt and starts pulling up my entire sleeve.

I lean my head on his chest and he starts tightening the belt around my upper arm. I quickly jerk my head up, and rip the belt off of my arm, and throw it across the room. I take the two saline bottles and break them on the ground and step on the three remaining needles, trying to bend them the best I can. I move to grab the small baggies, but he's too quick. He swipes two from the counter, and stares at the other one I have clutched in my hand.

I pour the white powder on the floor and throw the baggie aside. I'm crying so hard now that his face is a half blur. "You were gonna sit there and-- Who are you? What are you? I'm looking at you and I don't know who you are. Tommy was right. You really don't care about anyone anymore, do you?"

His desperate eyes are burning into mine now. My words had cut him deep. He may have been high, but he understood every word. "Maddie."

He takes a few steps towards me with his hand extended, and I angirly slap him across the face. "No, you make me sick! Son of a bitch!" I do more than that. I move from his face to his chest, and hit him over and over. There wasn't a rational excuse for it. I simply could not stop. The anger and pure hatred was running through my veins like wildfire.

He tries to disable me, but I'm too strong for him. He falls to the floor and I'm on top of him. He gets the upper hand and grips both of my wrists, pinning me down this time. "Stop moving! Calm the fucking hell down! You're gonna hurt yourself!"

I shake my head violently, trying to push against him with my knees. I see something in the corner of my eye rush by, and before I knew it, Jimmy was more or less ripped off of me by the back of my shirt by Kevin. He punched him once in the face, and Jimmy went down quickly. He stayed on his back, breathing hard, not attempting to stand and retaliate. Kevin had saved him from himself, but he looked more hurt than angry about it.

Kevin holds his hand down to him, and he shakes his head without a word. I sit up against the bar and watch him stare up at the ceiling blankly, his hands covering his face.

Kevin walks over to me, hands on his hips. He squats down to my level and turns my chin away from Jimmy's body so that I'm looking at him. "You okay?"

I wipe my eyes and shake my head. I whisper, choking back tears. "Can you get me out of here?"

He pulls me up with both hands and we leave the bar.

--------------------------------------------------

The full bottle of beer had been in front of me for ten minutes. Kevin had been trying to convince me that I'd feel better, but I was skeptical. I lay my head on my arms on the counter. He runs his hand down my back reassuringly, "You sure you're not hurt or somethin'? I can take you to the hospital, and they can check you out."

I roll my eyes. "For the tenth time, no. I don't need a hospital, or a doctor, or anything else. I hurt him more than he hurt me. Trust me."

He picks up my wrist and examines the forming bruises. I could hear him mumble something under his breath, but couldn't make it out. I perk up when I spot Nicky Cottero over his shoulder. I nudge him, taking a small sip of my beer. Nicky gives us both a smile, but seemed to only be looking at me. How lucky was I? "Kevin Donnelly. You're just the guy I've been looking for."

He shifts in his chair. "I'm having a drink with my friend here. Whatever it is, I didn't do it. I'm not the one you're lookin' for."

Nicky raises an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, I am. Actually, I need a favor."

I step in, "He doesn't do favors for you. Why don't you beat it and leave us alone, huh?"

Nicky ignores me, and doesn't take his eyes off of Kevin. "I'm a little short this week. I need you to spot me another day."

Kevin rubs his forehead. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"For the grand I owe you." Nicky answers.

Nicky had found out about Louie Downtown's phone and would probably find out that Jimmy was the one who killed him next. I look down at the counter as Nicky walks out and Kevin sits there dazed. I can't help but laugh at the irony of this situation. "Here I thought him dying would be the reason for us breaking up. Looks like I beat him to it."

Kevin drops his head. "Shit."

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End file.
